


The WiFi Password is b3acon

by Slut_for_Roses_and_Bees



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Chaos, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff and Crack, Fuck Volume Three, Multi, heterosexuality? don't know her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 19,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slut_for_Roses_and_Bees/pseuds/Slut_for_Roses_and_Bees
Summary: Welp, this is the chat thing no-one wanted.





	1. Beacon's Chat Room

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so Yang lost an arm. but was fine with it and has no depression or PTSD. Blake didn't leave. Pyrrha died, but everyone's fine with it because it's common knowledge that people can be revived if... something something, but it takes a month or so. The plot to get Yang arrested worked, but her name was cleared soon.

[Mod Ozpin has created Beacon Academy]  
[Mod Ozpin has added {ENTIRE STUDENT BODY} and {ENTIRE STAFF}]

[Glynda has entered Beacon Academy]

 

Glynda: Ozpin why

Mod Ozpin: What do you mean Glynda?

Glynda: Why would you do this.

Glynda: Literally why. 

Mod Ozpin: I believe this will be a good way to keep the everyone connected in case of emergency. If the CCT goes down again everyone from the Academy will still be able to communicate.

Glynda: You don’t know what you’ve done.

[Peach has entered Beacon Academy]  
Peach: Ozpin, why have you forsaken us.

Glynda: Why.

[Oobleck has entered Beacon Academy]  
Oobleck: What have you done? 

[Port has entered Beacon Academy]  
Port: I like this. Wonderful idea Ozpin.

Mod Ozpin: I’ve got Port’s approval, what are the rest of you so worked up about?

Oobleck: Port’s a simpleton, he doesn’t count. 

Port: WHAT

[Oobleck has left Beacon Academy]

Glynda: You’ve made a grave mistake Ozpin.

[Glynda has left Beacon Academy]

[Port has left Beacon Academy]


	2. Coffee Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 27 sugars please

[Coco Adel has entered Beacon Academy]  
[Velvet Scarlatina has entered Beacon Academy]  
[Yatsuhashi Daichi has entered Beacon Academy]  
[Fox Alistair has entered Beacon Academy]

[Coco Adel has changed {Beacon Academy} to{Coffee Shop}]  
[Coco Adel has changed {Coco Adel} to {Bitch I’m Fabulous}]

Bitch I’m Fabulous: WHADDUP

[Yatsuhashi Daichi has changed {Yatsuhashi Daichi} to {Yatsu}]

Yatsu: Coco no

Bitch I’m Fabulous: Coco yes

Velvet Scarlatina: Coco no

Bitch I’m Fabulous: CoCo yES

[Velvet Scarlatina has changed {Velvet Scarlatina} to {Velvet}]

Velvet: Coco plz

Bitch I’m Fabulous: o no

Bitch I’m Fabulous: bunny eyes

Bitch I’m Fabulous: my weaknesssssssss

Yatsu: Coco please

Bitch I’m Fabulous: giant eyes

Bitch I’m Fabulous: my weaknesssss

Yatsu: Coco, just change it.

[Bitch I’m Fabulous changed {Bitch I’m Fabulous} to [Coco}]

Coco: There

Coco: Fox’s blind ass

Fox Alistar: i like to lurk

Coco: that’s rude

Velvet: how did he type that if...how did he enter if he’s Blind?

Coco: Fox is God confirmed

Velvet: Seriously how

[Fox Alistar changed {Fox Alistar} to {God}]

Coco: Praise him

Velvet: How is he doing these things

Coco: Don’t Question God

Coco: Praise God

Yatsu: Praise God

God: Praise me

Velvet: Praise him, I guess

[Blake Belladonna has entered Coffee Shop]

Blake Belladonna: This is a cult.

Coco: Praise him

Velvet: Praise him

God: Praise me

Yatsu: Praise him

Blake Belladonna: …Hey.

Blake Belladonna: ...........Do you guys sell tea?

[Blake Belladonna has left Beacon Academy]

Coco: LISTEN HERE YOU LIL SHIT.

Coco: fuck

Coco: she's gone

God: like my sanity


	3. BUT WHAT DID SHE MEAN

[Yang Xiao Long has entered Coffee Shop]  
Yang Xiao Long:Ruby

[Yang Xiao Long has changed {Yang Xiao Long} to {Yang}]  
Yang: Not out loud!!!!!!!!!

[Ruby Rose has entered Coffee Shop]  
[Ruby Rose has changed {Coffee Shop} to {Beacon}]

Ruby Rose: I am literally right across from you. Why not outloud?

Ruby Rose: Did u… Did u just give me Super Secret Non-Verbal Sister Communication look number 6? Because I don’t think that’s appropiate in a cafeteria…

Yang: Gosh-Darnit Ruby, I cant do the ear wiggle with Blake right next to me, that was # 7

Ruby Rose:...

Ruby Rose: no

Yang: Yes

Ruby Rose: no

Yang: Yes

Ruby Rose: Yang

Yang: yea

Ruby Rose: You didn’t

Yang: I did

Yang: I had to.

Ruby Rose: ...who?

Yang: Adam

Yang: RUBY THE FUDGE/// Y U KJICKED ME?

Ruby Rose: Should have led with that. Do I look like I’d feel bad if you did that to that monster?

Yang: Y 2 kick???

Ruby Rose: cuz u should have taken me with you :(

Yang: Too dangerous. Now, r u gonna help me or nah???

Ruby Rose: Help U of course

[Blake Belladonna has entered Beacon]  
[Weiss Schnee has entered Beacon]

Blake Belladonna: Help Yang do what?

Yang: Get into ur pants, of course, Blakey.

Weiss Schnee: We can read, you blonde buffoon.

Blake Belladonna: Yang Xiao Long Adam is dangerous

Blake Belladonna: And yet you confront him? The man who took your arm, my psychotic ex, the leader of the White Feng, you confronted him?

Yang: He’s not anymore.

Blake Belladonna:...What.

Weiss Schnee: Yang. What did you do.

Yang: Something that he deserved.

Blake Belladonna: Yang....tell me you didn’t

Yang: Yes blakey, I did

Blake Belladonna: Oh my God

Yang: Leave God out of it. Trust me, he wanted no part in that

Weiss Schnee: Yang you could be arrested.

Yang: If anyone finds out.

Ruby Rose: Guys it’s ok. She’s done this before. She knows what she’s doing

Weiss Schnee: SHE HAS?

Ruby Rose: Yeah, dur.

Blake Belladonna: WHEN?

Ruby Rose: The first time was when she was about 12 i think.

Weiss Schnee: 12!?

Yang: No of course not. I was 12 the third time. The first time I was eight

Weiss Schnee:...You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m sure they all deserved it. Yang is still Yang, and we won’t tell anyone, right.

Blake Belladonna: ...Right. I trust her.

Ruby Rose: course

Ruby Rose: Now Yang, did you dispose of the evidense?

Ruby Rose: *evidence

Yang:...

Blake Belladonna: YOU HAVENT?

Weiss Schnee: I can help.

Yang: Really?

Weiss Schnee: I know a guy.

Ruby Rose: Great! While Weiss and Yang handle the smoking corpse me and Blake can go leave Yang’s calling card

Blake Belladonna: Smoking?

Yang: I always light them on fire and let them burn before I shoot them, dur

Blake Belladonna: That’s gruesome.

Yang: Exactly

Ruby Rose: Yep! Then I use my speed to drop off a couple scorched important bits and a polaroid so they know who did it and can see what happens when you mees with Yang, or “THE DRAGON” in the streets

Blake Belladonna: You’re just ok with this Ruby?

Ruby Rose: Why wouldn’t I be?

Weiss Schnee: My guy says he can drop off the lye and an oil drum that holds 50 gallons at 6 and come pick up the remains at midnight?

Yang: a little overkill Weiss. Why do we need that powerful of  
an chemicak that strong and an oil drum?

Weiss Schnee: How else would we dispose of the body? 

Yang: Dispose of the body?

Weiss Schnee: We can’t just bury it, the police have dogs. The lye will most definitely get rid of the evidence. It will break down the body in a few hours and turn it into soup that can be poured down a drain, or in this case, held in a barrel that will be welded shut and dropped to the bottom of the Menagerie Ocean. That’s what I used to ‘take care’ of Whitley.

Yang: …

Weiss Schnee: What?

Yang: ...what do you guys think i did to Adam?

Blake Belladonna:...killed him?

Yang: WHAT THE FUCK

Blake Belladonna:...what? That’s what happened right? You burned him, them shot him out of his misery, and now you have to hide the corpse while Ruby leave behind his crispy dick or something.

Ruby Rose: NO YOU SICK FUDGE PILE

Weiss Schnee: Well what do you mean then?

Yang: I STOLE HIS ROUTER SO HE’D HAVE NO WiFi AND HIS CAR SO HED HAVE NO WHEELS AND TO PISS HIM OFF MORE! I DIDN’T KILL HIM

Blake Belladonna: what about the ‘important scorched bits’ and ‘smoking corpse’ and ‘Dispose of evidence’

Yang: TH E SMOKING CORPSE IS JUST A EUPHEMISM! I LIT HIS SHIT ON FIRE AND SHOT IT TO DESTROY IT, NOT BURNED THE MAN ALIVE, JESUS FUCK

Yang: AND “DISPOSING OF EVIDENCE’ JUST MEANS TAKING THE LEFTOVER CRAP TO THE DUMP OR BLOWING IT UP, 

Ruby Rose: I JUST DROP OFF THE STEERING WHEEL OR LICENSE PLATE AND A COUPLE WIRES WITH A PICTURE

Blake Belladonna: OH MY GOD IM SO RELIEVED

Weiss Schnee: As am I. I was truly convinced that you killed him.

Yang: No

Ruby Rose: OF COURSE NOT

Yang: Just No

Yang: Fucking Hell

Yang: No

Ruby Rose: You guys are fudge brownies crazy

Blake Belladonna: Sorry

Weiss Schnee: My apologies.

Yang: Hey Weiss

Weiss Schnee: Yes Yang?

Yang: Wat were u talking about?

Ruby Rose:^

Weiss Schnee: What are you referring to?

Blake Belladonna: Yeah, What DID you mean?

Yang: About the whole ‘I have a guy’ and how u ‘took care of Whitley’

[Weiss Schnee has left Beacon]  
Yang: Weiss?

Yang: Weiiisss????????????????


	4. Get it, Jaune.

[Ruby Rose has entered Beacon]  
[Yang has entered Beacon]  
[Yang has changed {Beacon} to {Sex Ed}]

 

Yang: Jaune-y boy.

Yang: Jaune?

[Yang has sent @Jaune Arc an invitation to chat]  
[Jaune Arc has entered Sex Ed]  
[Jaune Arc has changed {Jaune Arc} to {Jaune}]

Jaune: Um...hi?

Yang: Okay Vomit Boy, prepare uself im bout to drop some srs knowledge

Jaune: OK??

Yang: Pyrrha’s on her way back soon.

Jaune: Yeah! I can’t wait. She’ll be back at Beacon in a week, but she’ll be able to use the chat in a day or two. Ozpin says she gets to chat with us early cause he has connections or something cryptic.

Yang: You know she likes you now, right?

Jaune: Yeah…

Yang: Do u like her back??

Jaune:...Yes?

Yang: Asking or telling Jaune?

Jaune: Yes

Yang: Atta-boy. You know what couples in relationships do when they’re in love, right?

Jaune:...

Yang: c’mon Arc

Jaune: based on the chat’s name, i’m not gonna like this conversation at all. I’m gonna leave since My father gave me this talk already

Yang: Wait

Jaune: idwt

Yang: Don’t you wanna know how to please Pyrrha?

Jaune: …

Jaune: *sigh* I’ll stay for now

Yang: Good.

Yang: First things first we gotta teach you the basic strategies to get Pyrrha warmed-up

Jaune: Warmed up? Like stretching?

Yang: …

Yang: You’re a virgin, aren’t you vomit boy

Jaune: I’ll stay one if you keep calling me that

Jaune: *Of course not, i got loads of girls

Yang: shuddup

Jaune: Kay

Yang: First the correct way to make-out with her

Yang: Take notes jaune, dis is GOLD

Jaune: ok

Yang: Main weapon: Le kiss. Invest in some fuckin chapstick, you dont want no crusty fish-sticks for you face hole

Yang: This is not just mashing your lips on hers and trying to shove your tongue in her mouth straight-off, alright? And don’t pucker so goddamn much, you’ll look like a fish 

Jaune:...ok

Yang: Move in slow. You start off gently,but don’t be a dead fish and just sit there. lightly move ur lips against Pyr’s. Tilt ur head to the side unless you want to bop ur noses and make it awkward. Kay?

Jaune: Yep. No bop.

Yang: Good

Yang: Ur hand should help here 2, kay? Bring one up and caress her cheek and the side of her neck. Maybe grab her chin, jaw, or shoulder. Soft though, don’t squeeze, just pull her closer or help guide her head to deepen the kiss. Then, smack her with a dead fish.

Yang: Now for ur other hand.

Jaune: Yang?

Yang: Yeah?

Jaune: Y the dead fish?

Yang: Just fucking with you, (Not literally Pyrrha’s job and i prefer the Bellabooty) That was a test to make sure you are paying attention. U pass.

Jaune: Yay.

Yang: That other hand can help too. Put it on her waist, back, maybe card it in her hair,, or use it to caress the other side of her face.

Yang: Okay Jaune, strap in, we bout to get to the Juicy part of making out in this bih

Jaune: There’s more to the make-out part? 

Yang: Yer. NOW STRAP IN U BLONDE FUCK

Jaune: Strapped in, ma’am

Yang: Don’t go trying to breathe with yer lips on her btw, it’s weird.

Jaune: Noted.

Yang: don’t be just jamming ur tongue in there. You lick over her lip once or twice, see if she opens her mouth and lets you in. If not, you wait and try again. A few minutes or a few weeks till she lets you in, no one knows.

Yang: avoid just floping the thing around in there like a fish out of water, and don’t try to shove it down her throat.

Jaune: kay, avoid fish.

Yang: Don’t eat fish before either, fishies are evil

Jaune: Fish are Satan, got it.

Yang: kay. technique is key. lightly tracethe contours of her mouth and let your tongue dance with hers. Start with a simple Waltz, work up to the Tango. Then hit her with a dead fish.

Jaune: Yang I don’t know how to ballroom dance. And the Fish again.

Yang: Shuddup

Jaune: kay

Yang: Now, that side hand from earlier? If she kk w/it, now would be a good time to touch the Mistralian Boot-tay ( As a conn-ass-eur i can confirm it is a fine ass indeed)

Yang: If she kk with it, you can go for the boob.

[@Deceased Pyrrha has entered Sex Ed]

Jaune: Got it. If she fine, Boob touch is a go. I don’t think she’ll be fine with it tho Yang, Pyr seems like she wouldn’t like it

Pyrrha: Hello again. That’s enough Yang

Jaune:... Oh my God.

Jaune: Hi Pyrrha.

Pyrrha:... Hello Jaune I see you and Yang have been...talking

Jaune: I’M SO SORRY

Pyrrha: Jaune calm down, I’m not mad.

Pyrrha: I’m flattered you’re taking this...class, but there’s no need. Just be yourself.

Yang: ARKOS IS A GO EVERYONE, I REPEAT, IT’S A GO

Pyrrha: And Jaune, i’d be…”kk” 

Pyrrha: Hello Yang

Yang: DOUBLE ARKOS EVERYONE. DOUBLE. ARKOS GON SHAG CONFIRMT

Yang: Sup

Pyrrha: Please refrain from coaching Jaune, Yang.

Yang: You got it.

Yang: How’s the WiFi up there?

Pyrrha: Great actually

Ruby Rose: What do I after hypothetical mammary groping? Also, I wrote chapstick down, but will lipgloss work too? If so, is flavored ok? And what about red ipstick? Weiss says it looks good, but i never kissed her w/it.

Yang: After gropes, you confirm both of u r ready for more than make-out one last time before you go for a neck kiss or an ear nibble.

Yang: Gloss is fine, as long as it’s not super sticky or flavored. Your partner might not like the flavor, so no try unless you know they like it. Be careful and make sure they don’t have an allergy, and no bright colors if they are pale and don’t want marks. Lipstick is not moist enough, so don’t go for that Rubes unless your lips are well moisturized alread y.

Ruby Rose: Alright, got it.

Pyrrha: Hello Ruby…?

Jaune: Ruby?!

Yang: WAIT A SECOND WHAT THE FUCK

Yang: RUBY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

[Ruby Rose has left Sex Ed]

Yang: IM GONNA KILL ICE QUEEN.

Yang: I’M COMING FOR YOUR FROSTY FLAT ASS WEISS


	5. Phantom pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SLIGHT ANGST AND FEELS, BUT NOT MUCH.

[RWBY has entered Sex Ed]  
[Blake Belladonna has changed {Sex Ed} to {Beacon}]  
[Blake Belladonna has change {Blake Belladonna} to {Blake}]  
[Coco has entered Beacon]  
[Velvet has entered Beacon]  
[JNPR has entered Beacon]

Coco: Yang? U ok?

Yang: It hurts but I’m ok

Yang: I at the dorm while the others r n class

Nora: u sure?

Yang: yes

Nora: I dont think u realize we’re all within eye-shot of u window.

Lie Ren: we can see the fire

Yang: I’m fine

Pyrrha: I can see you curled in the fetal position around your stump

Ruby: I’m sorry we aren’t there to help

Weiss: Me as well. I hate this class anyway what with Port’s rambling, and now it’s keeping us from you

Velvet: Yeah, I’ve got some sedatives in my bag if you want?

Yang: I can take care myself

Nora: calm down, we’re just trying to help

Yang: And I said I GOT IT SO STOP

Pyrrha:...

Yang: Sorry

Yang: I dont mean to be snippy

Yang: I’m just so freaking useless. I couldnt stop Adam, I cant control my temper, and to top it all off this freaking crippling pain that I can’t stop. I’m just a burden on everyone

Blake: Yang. You mean so much to me. Please stop talking about yourself like that. You’re one of the most USEFUL people in my life, useless is the complete opposite of what to describe you. Who holds our team together? You. Who helped me get out of that tree? You.  
Who helps Ren cook for us and keep the dorm tidy? You? Who’s the only person here who could hold their own against the Pyrrha Nikos in no weapon combat? You.

Yang: Thx Blake. I still lost the match tho

Pyrrha: It’s okay Yang

Ruby: And ur not a burden, sis. We’re glad to help

Weiss: Yeah

Coco: Yep

Blake: I got to hand it to you, you really can be an idiot sometimes

Yang: Ha, I guess so. Dad was right, I did lose some brain cells during the Fall

Nora: Hey look the flames sre dissipating 

Blake: Besides, it’s just a little h-arm-less aid, we’re not calling you useless by offering help. Even the mightiest can’t do everything for themselves

Yang: Did you just….

Blake:.... I did

Ruby: Holy choco-chunks

Weiss: Damn Blake

Pyrrha: Wow

Jaune: Well then.

Coco: Shit

Velvet: ummm

Blake: Yang?

Blake: Yang?

[Yang has left Beacon]

Blake: Did I go too far

Blake: Shit I messed up.

Blake: I thought she was fine.

Weiss: what’s that thudding sound?

Jaune: Yeah I heard it too, but it’s gone now

[Glynda has entered Beacon]

Glynda: Anyone care to explain the Yellow streak climbing the side of the Grimm studies building?

Blake: No Miss Goodwitch we don’t know what it is.

Glynda: Hm

[Glynda has left Beacon]

Jaune: You think Yang’s ok?

Blake:I really hope she realizes I wasn’t trynfwertyhfjdnsbakeltfc.dw.c/w

Weiss: DEAR GOD

Ruby: HOLY SHITAKE MUSHROOMS

Jaune: What was that huge crash we just heard?

Nora: WHAT?/????/?????????????/?//?????

Coco: Yeah, The F Was That?

Pyrrha: Hahaha

Weiss: This blonde buffoon just fell from the ceiling, and managed to land PERFECTLY in Blake’s lap

Ruby: Yeah, and then she grabbed Blake’s face and kissed her and now she’s gone!

Ruby: actually...pretty sure Blake’s broken. She’s still frozen like she’s still holding my sis

Weiss: We are so getting detention

Ruby: Nope, port didnt notice. He’s still goin on and on

Velvet: Does this mean they’re official now?

[Yang has entered Beacon]

Yang: no

Blake: no

[Yang has left Beacon]

Weiss: Glad to see you rejoin the living, Blake. Have you composed yourself?

Blake: Fuck off weiss


	6. ALL HAIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This spun so fucking far out of my control I'm not even sure what happened. One minute, I'm too lines in and ready to give up, next, Google dovs says I've reached fourpages of words. WHAT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a quick racial joke in there. Nothing too serious (In my opinion) But hey, if you're offended, you're offended. If not, great.

Yang: \List\

[Online: {Weiss} {Ruby} {Yang} {Blake} {Coco} {Nora} {Velvet}

Yang: Why are only we and a few of the others ever on

Yang: like srsly, Where the fuck’s the rest of Beacon’s student body

Ruby: No idea

Weiss: Must you use profanity so much?

Yang: Back off ice bitch, i do what I want

Ruby: D:

Weiss: EXCUSE ME??

Ruby: Weiss isn’t a b-word Yand >:(

Yang: she totally is tho

Ruby: :P

Ruby: She’s not tho

Yang: OH MY GOD WEISS HAVE YOU HEARD

Weiss: What? Is it about Winter? Is she ok?

Yang: NO ABOUT YOUR DAD

Weiss: ...What about him

Yang: HE MADE A GAY JOKE

Yang: IT WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS

Weiss: WHAT?

Weiss: WHEN?

Yang: How old are you weiss

Weiss: 18 next month…? How is this relevant? Tell me about my Father, when did he make a gay joke

Yang: Almost 18 years ago.

Weiss: What?

Weiss: Wait, shit.

Yang: Bad words Weiss???? What would daddy say

Nora: Get got

Ruby: Apply cold water to burn Weiss. I’ll kiss it better after class.

Coco: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

Yang: LOLOL UP TOP YOU GUYS

Nora: *High five*

Coco: *Virtual booty slap* I don’t do “Up-Top”

Weiss: Yang why must you be such a pain in my posterior.

Yang: Your flat posterior.

Ruby: D: D: D:

Ruby: Excuse me the the Schnee booty is everything I could ever want

Yang: Gay

Weiss: Like you?

Ruby: Snap

Nora: DAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN

Coco: OOOOOOOOHHH

Yang: …

Yang: I won’t deny it I am Goddess of Gay after all

Coco: YANG XIAO FUCKING LONG WE WILL DUEL AT DAWN, BITCH I AM GODDESS OF GAY GIRLS, AND I WILL GLADLY BEAT YOU TO DFEATH WITH MY ANTI-DICK STICK

Yang: Okkkkkkk

Yang: Coco is Goddess, Not me, I don’t want to die

Coco: Gud you blonde gay fuck

Yang: I say I’m gay way too much since I’m pun sexual

Weiss: I wish death upon you by pack of Ursa

Ruby: Terrible sis. Just terrible.

Yang: D:

Yang: Welp, so I’m not Goddess of gay

Yang: WAIT

Ruby: Yes????

Yang: Coco check your texts.

Coco: kk

Coco: Lol, 

Coco: Yang Xiao Long, team RWBY tank, Boob monster, and blonde bimbo

Yang: Hey

Coco: Bombshell*, From now on you will bee dubbbed royalty

Coco: WHAT WILL YOU CALL THYSELF

Yang: I am

Yang: QUEEN OF THE QUEERS

Ruby: *Claps*

Ruby: What does that make me?? 

Yang: Dutchess of Demi-sexuals

Ruby: What about Weiss? 

Yang: Lord of Lesbians

Weiss: I hate all of you

Blake:Even me?

Weiss: Yes

Blake: What’d I do???

Weiss: Lurked instead of helping me keep my sanity

Blake: Meh

Yang: HEY Blakey

Blake: Hello my queen

Yang: :D BOW BEFORE ME PEASANTS

Blake: What does that make me?

Yang:???

Blake: If you are Queen Queer what am I? Everyone else has their titles.

Yang: Nothing ‘till you actually ask me out

Nora: Get called out

Coco: OOOOOOOHHHHH

Ruby: It’s happening

Coco: HOLY SHIT IT”S HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES

Nora: MISSION BUZZ IS A GO

Yang: Just kidding! Yang, The Queen of Queer is a jokester, eh??

Blake: And Blake, ….

Yang: Queen’s Consort ;)

Blake: ….

Blake:…

Yang:... 

Blake: And Blake, Queen’s Consort, is a Goddamn Baddass Ninja Cat.

Weiss: OH MY GOD NO

Ruby: nuuuuuu

Coco: FUCKING SHIT

Nora: They dId NOt JusxT Do tHat SHIt

Coco: THEY DID

Nora: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Coco: FUUUUUUUUUCKCK

Weiss: They fucking avoided again STOP DOING THIS DANCE AND JUST GET TOGETHER.

Blake: Oooh, cursing Weiss? What about miss manners?

Weiss: Fuck off, she was a prude bitch named miss judith marlin perlman or some shit

Weiss: You dogded again!

Ruby: nuu

Yang: Not sure what dance you es-speak of wiess but, we still have to teach you how to casual dance, mi’lord

Ruby: The dutchess demand’s to help

Coco: Praise me bitches

Coco: WE MUST ALL ASSIST LORD LESBIAN TO DANCE SOMETHING NOT FOR THE BALLROOM

Yang: Shit at this point even teaching her how to give Ruby a lapdahnce (weiss i will kill you, this is not a serious recommendation) Would be ok

Weiss: WOAH NOW.

Ruby: I DEMAND THE LORD BE TAUGHT ASAP

Nora: Maybe we should teach her how to twerk that flat-ass

Yang: She’d be doing the white girl twerk

Yang: All back 

Nora:She would

Blake: She would

Ruby: Srry bby

Ruby: But she would

Coco: She would

Weiss: Aren’t most of you WHITE???

Yang: IDK, but you are.

Blake: Bitch I’m Black?

Yang: Bitch I’m Yelllow???

Coco: Weiss is a white supremacist

Yang: I AMELL A RACIST

Weiss: I’m so confused

Weiss: I’m not racist???

Yang: OOHHH QUESTION MARKS

Blake: Weiss if you have to ask yourself if you are racist, honey you are racist.

Weiss: I’m NOT RACIST

Blake: You were

Weiss: I hate all of you

Yang: It’s cause I’m yellow isn’t it

Blake: Why, because I’m black?

Nora: I SMELL A RACIST

Weiss: Stop this.

Yang: Never.

Ruby: I’ll protect you Weiss.

Yang: You’ve corrupted my sister.

Weiss: Excuse me she corrupted me, thank you very much.

Blake: That’s why Weiss was at Pet’s Mart looking at that white collar! I was wondering why she never gave it to Zwei, when I was sure she had bought it.

Weiss: Blake you’ve damned us all.

Ruby: Blake no

Ruby: y

Yang: WHAT THE FUCK

Blake: Oops. Run Weiss.

Coco: o shit-tits

[Weiss has switched to VOICE MODE]

Nora: Anything she says will be convertd to words, so she can go hands free

Weiss: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKE!

Blake: My bad.

Weiss: Yang don’t

[Gunshot’s have been detected]

Ruby: Mi’Lord, I shall protect you!

Weiss: Yang don’t hurt Weiss!

Nora: Why she talkingt in 3rd??

Blake: Nah, Ruby trying to help, she shouted and the computer picked it up.

[Glynda Goodwitch has joined Beacon]

Glynda Goodwitch: I don’t know how or why the buliding’s on fire.

Glynda Goodwitch: Nor do I care

Glynda: Just know that I’m not cleaning it up and Team RWBY has detention for the next week for Ms Xiao Long’s stunt in Grimm Studies with port, and also an additional three weeks for this. JNPR as well this week

Nora: I DIDN”T EVN DO ANYTHING????

Glynda Goodwitch: Don’t Care 

Glynda Goodwitch: You probably will anyway.

Nora; D:

[Glynda Goodwitch has left Beacon]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddess of Gays, Queen of Queers, Dutchess of Demi-Sexuals, Lord of Lesbians, Nora (Which is a noble title of it's own) and Queen's Consort.
> 
> Seriously what was I on??


	7. Sickening Gays pt.1

Ruby: I don’t understand why we couldn’t have just taken an airship:(

Ruby: Why is Cardin such a butt-nugget! We’re have to be silent too.

Weiss: This ‘bus’ is so uncomfortable.

Nora: I don’t know… Blake seems fine over there.

Weiss: Oh my God.

Ruby: What, I cant see.

Nora: I gotchu

Nora: Boop, bitch

Nora: **BumbleBY cuddling FTW.jpeg**

Ruby: Oh my God.

Ruby: @Coco

Coco:What.

Weiss: Look behind you.

Velvet: That’s the second most gay thing I’ve seen all week.

Weiss: Second?

Coco: First was me

Nora: AYYYYY

Coco: AAAAYYYYYY

Ruby: AYYY

Coco: AAAYYYYYY

Ruby: Oh look we’re here. You think we can use the pool?

4 hours later

Coco: I spy with my little eye something beginning with letter ‘S’

Weiss: Is it sexual tension?

Ruby: Look at them being sickening and obliviuos

Weiss: Oblivious*

Nora: You guyys remember that vine?

Coco: Two bros, chilling in a hot tub.

Ruby: 5 ft apart cause they’er not gay.

Nora: The Bees, chilling in a hot tub real fucking close cuz they so gay.

Ruby: Weiss snorted

Coco: Look at them, they practically eye-fucking.

Yang: Is that so?

Ruby: Holy shitakke mushrooms.

Nora: HOLY SHIT HEY YANG

Yang: Blake we’re eye-fucking apparently.

Ruby: I just watched Blake do the finger trail thing. Like legit.

Ruby: She just frikkin...ran her finger down Yang’s cleavage like that’s a thing people do.

Ruby: She took Yang’s sunglasses out her bikini

Blake:...

Blake:...

Blake: ...I suppose we should use protection then.

Ruby: I can’t

Ruby: I CaN”T 

Ruby: **Blake in sunglasses.jpeg**

Weiss: Look at this smug cat.

Nora:*COUGH* weiss still racist on the low low *COUGH*

Coco: There’s a reason these shades don’t come off ladies, hahaha

Velvet: Look at Yang.

Velvet: I spot a flustered gay.

Velvet: Wait

Velvet: **Blushing!Yang.jpeg**

Velvet: Coco do the thing plz

Coco: This is a wild gay dork in it’s natural habitat.

Coco: It catches the attention of potential mates with it’s huge blonde mane, and then snags them with a tactic called “blushing” in which blood flow increases to the cheeks and neck and colors the skin pink/red.

Ruby: We’re doing something about this.

Velvet: We certainly can’t NOT do something about it.

Weiss: We keep saying we will…

Weiss: It’s time to act

Nora: The time is now.

Weiss: Wait Nora, where you going? 

Weiss:Nora?

Velvet: Nora what are you doing

Ruby: Nora come back

Ruby: Nora????

Coco: Do eeett

[Nora has switched to VOICE MODE]

Nora: WITNESS MEEEE!

Ruby: O SHIET, NORA NO!

Nora: [shrieking]

Nora: [splashing}

Coco: RUN, BITCH RUN

[Pyrrha has entered Beacon}

Pyrrha: I was talking to Summer, she’s nice.

Pyrrha: What happened?

Ruby: Read up

Pyrrha: ...What did Nora do?

Ruby: She ran over and snatched off Blake’s bikini top. Then, er…

Pyrrha: Then?

Weiss: Your crazy teammate shoved our crazy teammate into Blake’s bare cleavage.

Pyrrha:...

Pyrrha: Sounds about right.

Pyrrha: She shoved Jaune into my cleavage too

Coco: Why didn’t she shove me into your cleavage

Ruby: Shuddup

Pyrrha: I was clothed tho, and he certainly didn’t get the hint, unfortunately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know, sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ .


	8. Sickening Gays pt.2

Velvet: Anyone else hear….

Velvet: erm…

Coco: Erotic moaning

Velvet: way to be subtle 

Coco: Tact is bull

Weiss: Yes, we hear it.

Ruby: You think Nora snuck Ren into her rooom?

Nora: Excuse you, My room and is on the otherside of the building. You not gonna hear us.

Nora: I didn’t sneak him in*

Velvet: She’s right.

Weiss: I think…

Weiss: I think it’s coming from Yang and Blake’s room

Nora: (」゜ロ゜)」 Guys they’re totally booping

Velvet: Let’s not jump to conclusions here…

Velvet: But they’re totally shagging

Ruby: I’m willing to bet 20 lien they aren’t having sex

Coco: 20 they are

Velvet: I’ll put 20 they aren’t

Nora: 17 they are

Weiss: 10 on yes

Ruby: Et tu, Weiss?

Pyrrha: 7 they aren’t just to even out the amount of money here

Ruby: kk

Ruby: Here’s the plan 

Ruby: We sneak out of the building and run over to the southern wall. We scale the building. We run across the roof, and then dangle someone upside down to look in the window.

Ruby: We will be using codenames from now on.

Ruby: You may refer to me as Eagle One

Ruby: Nora is ‘Been there done that’

Nora: That party was wild

Ruby: Weiss is ‘Currently doing that’

Ruby: Coco- ‘It happened once in a dream’

Coco: Everyone says that!

Ruby: Pyrrha is ‘If I had to pick a ghost’

Pyrrha: UHM?

Ruby: Velvet, you’re codename is…

Ruby: uh..

Ruby: Eagle two

Velvet: oh thank god.

Coco: *Virtual booty slap*© Good job Ruby

Weiss: Keep your hands off my girlfriend’s ass

Nora: Weiss be like 

Nora: *Angry gay dinosaur noises*

Ruby: What ever, let’s go!

Weiss: Everyon-HOLY

Coco: Anyone else hear the blissed shouting of Yang’s name?

Ruby: IT PrOVES NOTHING LET”S GO

10 minutes later. (A/N everyone has switched to voice mode at this point)

Weiss: Okay. Nora, start lowering me

Velvet: Coco, Ruby I’m ready too

Weiss: GODDAMMIT

Velvet: I knew it

Ruby: Yes! I knew they weren’t booping

Nora: Ruby they didn’t say what they saw yet

Ruby: I don’t really need to hear, ‘currently-doing-that’ bet yes, ‘eagle two’ bet no, and is sulking ‘currently-doing-that’ while‘eagle two’ fine

Ruby: Connect the dots!

Weiss: we’re not doing codenames, we talked about this

Coco: They aren’t fucking?

Coco: What are they doing then

Weiss: Well, Yang IS straddling Blake

Velvet: And Blake IS moaning because of Yang’s presumably magic fingers

Weiss: But it’s not sexual

Velvet: At least not on purpose

Velvet: Yang’s giving Blake a massage

Nora: There’s no such thing as a platonic massage

Coco: Nope

Ruby: Yes there is! Yang used to give me massages after long days of practice too! She’s really good at it.

Coco: Uh huh.

Coco: Were these with clothes on?

Ruby: Yes???

Coco: Velv

Velvet: Well Blake’s face-down shirtless

Nora: no such thing as a platonic massage

Nora: I have a plan you guys....

Weiss: Oh no...

Ruby: Hate to say it but...

Ruby: Whatchu got Nora

Weiss: We're probably going to jail or our graves after this

Nora: Here's the plan...


	9. Sickening Gays pt.3

Weiss: So let me get this straight\

Nora: I think you mean let me get this Lesbiam*

Coco: AYYY

Nora: AAAAYYYY

Weiss: One day, all of you are gonna wake up with forks in your shoulders

Weiss: I want you to come back to these years of torment you put me through as you scream in pain

Ruby: Let’s get back on task

Weiss: Right

Weiss: Just to reiterate,

Weiss: You propose that we have Ruby distract Blake with books and tuna.

Weiss: And then kidnap Yang

Weiss: Strip her clothes, 

Weiss: Strategically wrap her up in Blake’s extra ribbons like a present,

Weiss: And lock her in their room?

Nora: With candles and flower petals*

Weiss: Lock her in their room wrapped in Blake’s ribbons with candles and flower petals. My apologies. 

Nora: Ye

Coco: Seems like a pretty well summed up version

Ruby: Yep

Velvet: That’s pretty much exactly what she just said, so yeah

Weiss: …

Weiss: …

Ruby: YO, WEISS YOU OK??

Velvet: That look like it hurt…

Coco: What happened

Ruby: She just tried to brain herself on this table.

Nora: *facedesk*

Ruby: huh?

Nora: That’s what she did. A *facedesk*

Ruby: Oh ok

Ruby: But r you ok Weiss?

Weiss: Nothing will ever be ok ever again

Nora: C’mon! There’s like, a 37% chance everything will turn out fine with no explosions

Velvet: what’s sad is that’s probably better odds than on a regular day

Ruby: I feel like we should do it

Weiss: \List\

[Online: {Weiss} {Ruby} {Pyrrha} {Coco} {Nora} {Velvet}]

Weiss: I suppose we got lucky in that they’ve been logged off for these past hours of insanity

Coco: huh. Convenient. 

Coco: Everyone go delete your messages so they can’t log on and see this.

Nora: Done

Weiss: I’ve finished

Ruby: Done

Velvet: Done

Coco: Let’s do this

Coco: **Covert operations Spy music.mp3**

Nora: dun, dun, dun, dun, Du-dun, dun, dun dun dun DA-DAAAAH DA

Ruby: This will be fun!

Ruby: ...or deadly.

Ruby: Who knows anymore, with us.

HALF AN HOUR LATER

Ruby: Guys

Ruby: Guys are you done?

Ruby: Please be done, Blake’s almost done with her book.

Weiss: What happened to the tuna chips?

Ruby: She ate them already

Ruby: ARE YUO GUYS DONE??

Coco: Now we are.

Coco: Literally just finished.

Coco: Velv, if this works, we’re calling Yatsu and Fox and having a victory foursome

Nora: Get it Coco! (•̀o•́)ง Yeeeeaaah

Velvet: UHM???

Weiss: I DON”T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS

Ruby: CAN WE KEEP IT PG-13??

Velvet: Yes, can we do that?

Coco: you bunch of panties

Coco: pansies*

Nora: Yeah i was confusion for a sec there

Ruby: Blake’s heading back, I’m gonna use my semblance to get back before she does. Meet me on the roof everyone!

Coco: Copy that

Nora: hey I brought a drone so we dont have to hang upside down

Ruby: Nora!

Nora: wut

Ruby: We’re not perving on my sister

Coco: Yes we are

Ruby: I’m not taking part in this.

Nora: Hakuna your Ta-tas, we’re only confirming that they are in fact gonna bang

Ruby: Fine. Gimme the screen.

Ruby: What happened to the plan? 

Nora; We followed it.

Coco: to a T

Ruby: I see no candles

Ruby: Or petals

Coco: What

Velvet: There’s no way

Ruby: Where and how did you tie her up?

Velvet: Suspended from the ceiling, kind of. Most of her weight is hanging, but if she stayed still, she could balance on her tip-toes.

Coco: Yeah she should be in the center of the room.

Nora: Wait ruby, we’re on the wrong side of the building

Ruby: No we aren’t??

Nora: Yes we are? Their room is on the south side.

Ruby: No

Weiss: BY’s room is near ours. On the North side.

Ruby: oh no

Weiss: Nora. This is a matter of life and death.

Weiss: If we’re lucky you put her inside an empty room.

Weiss: What number was on the door?

Nora: 029

Weiss: Oh no

Velvet: What?

Weiss: 020-030 are occupied

Weiss: Go.

Ruby: Go now. Go get my sister

Coco: We’re running!

Velvet: So we’re on the hall…

Nora: but so’s Goodwitch

Coco: please don’t, please don’t, please do FUCK

Ruby: Talk to me ladies, what’s happening.

Nora: She’s opening the door. She’s walking in. 

Velvet: Oh my god

Ruby: C’mon, what’s happening in there?

Coco: She backtracked out and closed the door. Wait, she’s opening again

Nora: She closed it again

Velvet: Open.

Velvet: She’s walking inside. 

Ruby: And?

Ruby:...

Weiss: five minutes is a long time on a battlefield you guys, enough with the radio silence.

Nora: Sorry We were booking it. 

Weiss: What happened?

Velvet: Yang was escorted into the hall By Goodwitch in what looks like one of Goodwitch’s famous fluffy robe. They were talking, not sure what was said.

Weiss: You do realize she will get her revenge, right?

Coco: …

Coco: **Hello Darkness My Old Friend.mp4**

Nora: Welp.

Nora: Get Weiss to sing at my funeral.

Coco: ^

Velvet: ^^

Weiss: Hell no.

Ruby: I’ll handle it.

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: Anyone seen my ribbons?

Ruby: \kick\Blake

Velvet: \kick\Blake

Weiss: \kick\Blake

Coco: \kick\Blake

Blake: Hold on a second why is everyone voting to kick me?

Nora: \kick\Blake

[Blake has been kicked out of Beacon for 24 hours]

Nora: Oh, get your uncle to bring good booze to my burial too. We don’t Ren bringing that cheap shit.

Coco: Ha

Velvet: I leave everything to Fox and yatsu

Coco: ^

Weiss: Don’t tell Yang about our involvement in this. She didn’t see me watching for teachers, so she doesn’t know I did anything

Ruby:ya, please don’t do that

Coco: Aye

[Yang has entered Beacon]

Ruby: Shit, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN ε=ε=ε=┌(๑ʘ∀ʘ)┘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a poll: What's everyone's favorite chapter so far?


	10. Sickening Gays pt. 4 - The Prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teachers have been busy too~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is before any on the other 'sickening gays chapter'   
> The field trip they are on during pt.1-3 happens after this

[@Mod Ozpin has opened sub-group {Port’s Tales of Courage and Glory-The complete addition}]

[@Mod Ozpin has added {ENTIRE STAFF} and {ENTIRE STUDENT BODY}]

[Glynda Goodwitch has entered sub-group]  
[Bartholomew Oobleck has entered sub-group]  
[Peter Port has entered sub-group]  
[Pamela Peach has entered sub-group]

[@Mod Ozpin has changed name view settings]

Mod Ozpin: Don’t worry this just shortens your names, it doesn’t change them.

Goodwitch: Alright. 

Goodwitch: Excellent job, by the way.

Port: Excellent job at what.

Oobleck: None of the children will dare enter this group voluntarily without specific instructions to do so. We can do this in peace.

Port: ...Do what exactly? I thought he made this so I could regale my awesome tales...

Oobleck: We are here to talk Harbor.

Port: I’m confused.

Mod Ozpin: The open sea.

Port: I still don’t understand.

Mod Ozpin: Someone add Qrow.

[Oobleck has sent @Big Daddy Bird an invitation to chat]

[Big Daddy Bird has entered sub-group]

Big Daddy Bird: Sup

Port: What are we here for?

Big Daddy Bird: We here to talk about Omazon

[Mod Ozpin has changed {Big Daddy Bird} to {Qrow}]

[Mod Ozpin has locked {Qrow} screen name]

Qrow: 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸 Fuck you Oz.

Port: I still don’t know what we’re doing here.

Goodwitch: Port we are talking about the ships. The student ships. 

Qrow: I’m not drunk enough for this.

Goodwitch: Qrow you’re too drunk for anything.

Mod Ozpin: Today, specifically team RWBY. Even more specifically the half that isn’t together yet.

Mod Ozpin: Oobleck, report.

Oobleck: I would like to report that when we took the Godforsaken field trip to Atlas for that Godforsaken ‘Ice and Snow Survival’ lesson, Ruby Rose helped Miss Schnee keep warm by wrapping her inside her cloak with her.

Port: And BY?

Oobleck: I’m getting to them.

Oobleck: Their new trenchcoats?

Oobleck: Miss Belladonna’s is designed to keep the harsh sand and sun off her skin in Menagerie, not to keep her warm, so it was rather thin, and she was wearing a short tank top that bared her skin. At night, her and Miss Xiao Long would share a sleeping bag. I could hear them at the late hours of the night conversing, but not much else happened.

Port: You tried your best.

Oobleck: Until the lake.

Mod Ozpin: What happened at the lake?

Oobleck: Don’t ask me if I had anything to do with cracking the ice when they weren’t watching, but Miss Belladonna fell in.

Oobleck: Miss Rose and I had to hold Miss Xiao Long back from diving in after her while Miss Schnee fished out their friend with glyphs. Then…

Mod Ozpin: Then?

Oobleck: They stripped Miss Belladonna to her underwear. I looked away, because I’m not a pervert, but once I turned back around Miss Belladonna was wearing Miss Xiao Long’s coat, but with the front presumably open.

Oobleck: I couldn’t clearly see because her partner was holding her, semblance blazing. Miss Belladonna had wrapped her arms and legs around Miss Xiao Long and was, dare I say it, /nuzzling/ into Miss Xiao Long’s neck.

Qrow: Gpod job.

Mod Ozpin: Excellent Oobleck.

Oobleck: Thank you.

Mod Ozpin: Goodwitch, what’s happened on your end?

Goodwitch: Do you remember how a long time ago, at prestigious Hunter schools like our own, part of combat class was learning how to do certain dances?

Port: Yes, to teach them balance, discipline, and maneuverability. 

Port: Why, I remember learning to waltz when I was just a young lad myself.

Port: My father taught me, I eventually wrestled a beowolf into submission and had the beast dance with me.

Port: It was quite the achievement. But no where near as good as the time I killed a Goliath with my bare hands.

Port: It was a mighty beast of epic porportions! I had just broken my weapon killing his smaller brethren, when all of a sudden he lets out a mighty roar

Port: or rather mighty trumpet

Port: The roar I fired back though, why, it shook the very trees

[Mod Ozpin has issued {5 minute} spam timeout on {Port}]

Goodwitch: Thank you.

Mod Ozpin: Not a problem. Continue please.

Goodwitch: Right. Well, I decided to bring it back. I assigned each pair of partners specific dance to learn, and allotted time to do so.. i.e., Miss Rose and Miss Schnee had to learn to Waltz, they had a week.

Qrow: Goodbitch, you sly dog.

Goodwitch: Qrow. I will find you. I will pluck you. I will clean you. I will bake you. I will stuff you like a turkey and serve you to your nieces.

Qrow: 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸 have a kaomoji you bitch-nugget.

Goodwitch: Those hands won’t have have bodies to be attached to soon.

Mod Ozpin: Qrow. Goodwitch.

Goodwitch: Sorry.

Qrow: Fucko ff

Goodwitch: Anyway, Miss Xiao Long and Miss Belladonna had to learn to Tango in two weeks.

Oobleck: Ah, Yes. The most intimate of dances.

Qrow: Tango: otherwise known as a sex fight on the dance floor.

Peach: How did it go?

Goodwitch: They learned a tame version of some old fashioned song, and I told them I didn’t like their song choice. I assigned them a new song and to coordinate a dance that told the same story as the music did. They had another two weeks and would perform it a privately without the other students present after class since I made them change.

Oobleck: What song?

Goodwitch: The Masochism Tango, of course.

Mod Ozpin: Was there a reason for that specific tune?

Goodwitch: Miss Xiao Long’s semblance is the ultimate form of masochism. Miss Belladonna left one of her kinky smut books in my class last semester, and she wears ribbons as a fashion accessory. What do you think.

Mod Ozpin: Fair enough. Even I have put some money in the betting pool for the black and yellow duo to have, as Nora has said, “that kink-ay whips-and-chains sex”

Goodwitch: I’m well aware.

Mod Ozpin: How did that turn out?

Goodwitch: Sir,there was practically lighting crackling between them. Miss Xiao Long’s eyes were red and Miss Belladonna’s ears had folded back. The dance they created ended with Miss Xiao Long kneeling on one knee with Miss Belladonna sitting on her ‘free’ leg with a hand fisted in that dress-code-violating yellow top staring in each others eyes with their faces *this* close

Goodwitch: I’m almost sure they would have started making out.

Peach: Why did you stop them?

Goodwitch: I didn’t. I was inching my way to the door, and I was going to sneak out while they did… ‘things’

Goodwitch: And then Mister Arc showed up and knocked on the door asking about extra credit.

Goodwitch: The moment shattered. They sprung apart and ran out the door past Jaune, going in opposite directions down the hall.

Qrow: Dammit Arc

Goodwitch: For once I agree with you.

Mod Ozpin: How unfortunate. Peach?

Peach: I win. I think…

Mod Ozpin: Yes?

Peach: I teach what the kids call ‘Civie’ class, so I cover a lot basic stuff. I also double as the life science teacher, so I created an assignment where I had students get mock-married and I gave them a set of circumstances to deal with. The Bumblebee duo settled down and bought a house, had children and changed jobs.

Peach: But I also made them figure out their children’s genetics and what they would look like. Miss Belladonna is quite the artist.

Qrow: Sounds like it was gay. 

Peach: It was. Yang looked back through her and Blake’s family tree and found out there was an eighty percent chance they would have twins. She was squealing but then I thought Miss Schnee ruined it when she asked how would they even have kids together.

Peach: Miss Xiao Long brought my faith back though when she said, and I quote, “Blake. I will most certainly get you pregnant and we will have two cute baby boys with cat ears and blonde hair.’ Blake just looked at her for a second before she raised an eyebrow and said ‘Who said I would be the one getting pregnant?’

Qrow: Oh yeah, that’s gay.

Mod Ozpin: Peach, great job.

Mod Ozpin: Qrow...You said you had news?

Qrow: You’re not wrong…

Mod Ozpin: And?

Qrow: I caught them cuddling

Mod Ozpin: That’s it?

Qrow: Dude, u no understand

Qrow: This was the gayest cutest cuddling you’ve ever seen. It was, dare I say it…

Qrow: Snu-snu

Goodwitch: Oh my God.

Peach: This changes everything

Mod Ozpin: This changes nothing

Mod Ozpin: We must redouble our efforts.

Mod Ozpin: If they were, in fact, engaging in snu-snu, we must be close

Mod Ozpin: Pour everything you have into getting these two together

Goodwitch: Yes sir.

[Port has been removed from spam timeout]

Mod Ozpin: Port, you have anything to report?

Port: Neigh, the Very Sky trembled from the thunderous battlecry spilling from my vocal cords.

Port: The beast was a fair foe, but even he stopped for a moment to observe my glory before engaging in combat with me

[Mod Ozpin has banned [Port] from the chat for [48] hours]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like how this turned at all, but eh, what can you do? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	11. How'd we get from Disney to sex shop products?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, we have a break in the sickening gays series, heh. This chapter kinda sucks but then again, so does my life so it's all good

Yang: YOOOO

Yang: BLAKE SMOOVE AF

Coco: What she do?

Nora: What happened

Yang: so I was showing her my two swimsuits I was taking for that fieldtrip next month

Coco: Yeah?

Yang: And I asked, which one says ‘I’m bring sexy back’ without being...y’know. Skank-y

Yang: And blake, she says, she says to me

Yang: ‘I’m not sure why people keep trying to bring sexy back...I never left’

Coco: SMOOVE AF

Yang: I know right :D

Nora: I’m stealing your girlfriend’s line Yang

Coco: ^

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Yang: We’re not dating

Blake: We’re not dating

[Blake has left Beacon]

Coco: i ship it

Nora: My name is

Yang: What

Nora: My name is

Coco: Who

Nora: My name is

[Nora has changed {Nora} to {Slim Shady}]

Slim Shady: Ah summa lamma duma llama you assuming i’m a human what i got to do to ghet it through to you I’m super human

[Slim Shady has changed {Slim Shady} to {Nora}]

Yang: Wait

Yang: something just occurred to me because swim suit = swimming= just keep swimming = nemo = fishies

Yang: do fish get thirtsy?

Nora: i…

Coco: Yong no

Yang: Also, why is a building called a building if it’s already built?

Coco: Here we go…

Nora: Better question! If I drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or the soap dirty

Yang: Furthermore, Out of all the poop/shit in the world, why is bat shit considered the craziest??

Coco: HELP ME

[Pyrrha has joined Beacon]

Pyrrha: Stop the madness

Yang: This is sparta, bitch

Nora: how come babies in uteruses for nine months, but aren’t nine months old when they’re born

[Ruby has joined Beacon]

Yang: The first person to drink milk…

Yang: What convinced them to suck a cow tiddy???

Nora: If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?????

[Velvet has entered Beacon] 

Velvet: i have an answer for that one

Velvet: As a vegan, I can confirm, it is still beef

[Velvet has left Beacon]

Yang: Who knEW WhaT TimE It WAs WHEn The fiRSt cloCk waS MAde

Coco: What the fuck have you people been smoking

Ruby: do you realize there was a moment when your mom or dad put you down as a baby and never picked you up again

Yang: wow this just fucked me up

Nora: Actually that doesn’t apply to you Ruby. Yang is practically your mom, actually wait, this doesn’t apply to RWB at all because Yang is actually team Mom and is always picking you guys up so ha

Nora: We’ve been smoking brisket

Yang: Is it still a dogpile if a bunch of cats jump in each other??

Ruby: If it’s two percent milk, what’s the other ninety-aeight percent???

Nora: Am I telling the truth if I’m lying in bed?

Yang: Correct if I’m wrong, but if you think about it, there are more nipples than people in the world….

Nora: the moon is kindof a creep the sun politely just leaves when it’s night time and some times you look up and can see the moon just watching at like 10 a.m

Ruby: Why does our nose run, but our feet smell? Like seriously what logic is that.

Yang: Oh my gosh

Nora: Spoons are just tiny bowls on sticks

Yang: WHAT DOES WATER TASTE LIKE????

Coco: *screaming*

Coco: *fire*

Coco: *the fucking apocalypse*

Yang: So like, I just asked weiss all these questions

Yang: She’s kindof curled up in a fetal position rocking back and forth

Yang: No idea what she’s muttering about tho 

Nora: Why does Treasure Planet get so much flak

Ruby: I don’t know it’s, like one of the best Bisney movies ever made

Coco: Bisney’s that friend who was really understanding and cool when you were small,

Coco: but grew up to be an asshole on crack

Yang: I mean you’re not wrong about Bisney

Yang: but Treasure Planet isn’t the best. It’s more like second

Coco: Don’t say Frozen is the best, I’ll shove my gatling gun in some unpleasant places

Yang: Frozen is like third, calm down

Ruby: tjat’s acceptable

Coco: ...eh

Nora: What’s the best?

Yang: Lion King

Nora: YOOOOIO

Nora: Dude that movie

Coco: I mean we agree 

Coco: But damn

Ruby: if we make a top ten character deaths that ripped us apart and beat you with your own head

Ruby: Penny and Pyrrha are second only to Mufasa

Nora: Ooooh

Nora: do it again

Ruby: Mufasa

Nora: do it again

Ruby: Mufasa Mufasa Mufasa

Coco: I’m surrounded by idiots

Coco: yang I need a ride

Yang: where

Coco: I want to get some chocolate flavored lube from Kally’s duh

Yang: kk

Ruby: UHMMMMM?

Nora: Don’t get the brand with the tacky purple and red color scheme thier shit nasty

Ruby: CHILDREN’S EARS ARE PRESENT

[Velvet has entered Beacon]

Velvet: Coco no

Ruby: thanks

Velvet: we talked about this, the flavored stuff makes Yatsu break out

Ruby: HELLO WHY AM I BEING IGNORED KEEP IT PG-13

Yang: Well did you try that hypoallergenic stuff by Shopkeep’s Play House?

Velvet: No actually

Coco: no, I guess we’re getting that

Yang: They don’t have chocolate flavored thatv tastes good tho

Velvet: what’s good?

Yang: Cinnaman

Yang: Latte

Yang: Strawberry

Yang: basically everythnig but the chocolate, weed, and soda flavors

Ruby: WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS??

Ruby: WHEN WOULD YOU HAVE THE TIME TO USE THESE?

Ruby: WHAT REASON WOULD YOU HAVE TO USE THESE

Yang: they make tasty condoms too

Coco: oh, nice

Ruby: IM TELLING DAD AFTER I FINISH MY BLEACH AND COKE COCKTAIL

Yang: why are you doing drinking cocktails young lady

Ruby: now she notices me

Yang: don’t talk back to me, you shouldn’t be drinking that's inappropriate 

Ruby: HOW IS THAT RELEVANT???

Ruby: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is your Favorite Disney movies you guys? 
> 
> If you're in the SNK/AOT fandom you know that Eren gets wrote with heterochromia often in AU's because the anime has him have green while the manga has bright yellow.
> 
> WHY DOESN"T YANG EVER GET WRITTEN WITH HETEROCHROMIA IN ANY AU'S OR STORIES NOT TAKING PLACE IN REMNANT? LIKE, THAT WOULD BE FUCKING COOL. ONE RED EYE, ONE LILAC, IT WOUOD BE COOL AS FUCK ACTUALLY.
> 
> #GiveYangHeterochromiaInAUs2k17


	12. The Conn-ass-eur and (according to velvet) a Dork With an Ass Fetish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure it's a butt fetish for both of them

Coco: Yang help

Yang: What?

Coco: me and velv are having an argument over who’s ass is better

Yang: wait

[Yang has changed {Yang} to {Conn-ass-eur}]

Conn-ass-eur: Go on

Coco: it’s about Fox and Yatsu

Conn-ass-eur: Well here’s the thing, Fox’s butt is very firm, he has some nice, tight buns. Nice sound when you smack it. Problem is, ya boy’s pretty flat and has no identifying qualities

Coco: I’ll accept that. 

Velvet: Yes, but what about Yatsu

Conn-ass-eur: The giant booty has dimpled cheeks. It’s great, butt that’s about it. His ass isn’t particularly rock hard, but isn’t super soft either. He’s the most average of average besides those cute dimples. Damn those dimples

Conn-ass-eur: Fox has the superior posterior

Coco: Yes!

Velvet: nu

[Ruby has joined Beacon]

Ruby: Okay but what is Weiss ranked out of the entire scholl

Conn-ass-eur: Well, ice queen has a pretty high score at 17 out of 2552

Ruby: YEAH

Conn-ass-eur: yes, princess has a nice booty, besides having fox’s problem of being a bit flat. Besides that, a good jiggle-firm and muscle-fat ratio. Just one other problem is that you don’t get that satisying *slap* when you tap it

[Nora has entered Beacon]

Nora: Me?

Conn-ass-eur: Nora, all your pancakes go to your butt

Nora: fair

Conn-ass-eur: You’re still at #15, cause you got a cute little bubble butt, but as a professional I have to tell you that it’s just a tad to jiggly, fat ratio is off

Nora: WaIT WHAT ABOUT REN

Conn-ass-eur: Whoo, that boy’s up at 13

Nora: i knew it THAT LIE ASS BE NICE

Conn-ass-eur: actually he’s the second ranked highest dude, cause Neptune is 12 after that it’s chicks 

Coco: How much time do you spemnd studying asses.

Conn-ass-eur: too much. I actually have an entire speech I gave at one point. I have it on Me Tube

Velvet: wot

Nora: Link

Conn-ass-eur: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhV7k54k7Ck 

Ruby: she wasn’t joking

Velvet: Holy shit

Coco: Shoulda known

Nora: oh, do Pyrrha.

Conn-ass-eur: That Mistralian Booty is fineeee 

Conn-ass-eur: think weiss, now make it nopt flat. Make it round. Plus- Pyrrha’s ass makes a loud ass all fuck smack

Conn-ass-eur: over all rank? #4

Coco: who’s 3 2 1

Ruby: Am I 5

Conn-ass-eur: No, Coco is. Ruby you’re seven, sorry, Velve got 6

Velvet: huh. Ok then

Conn-ass-eur: Coco, These top three are as follows

Conn-ass-eur: Glynda Goodwitch

Nora: BUT SHE”S OLD

Conn-ass-eur: BUT SHE FINE THO

Nora: YE SHE FINE, I DIDN”T SAY SHE WASN”T IM NOT BLIND, BITCH, THAT ASS IS NIIIICE

Conn-ass-eur: Follwed by Cinder Fall

Conn-ass-eur: She evil, but that evil butt is *lip bite* nummy

Coco: I agree

Ruby: I don’t disagree, even tho she’s a B-word

Conn-ass-eur: and #1 is

Coco: **Drumroll.mp3**

Conn-ass-eur: Blake Belladonna!

Coco: Elaborate

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: do not elaborate

Blake: wait, you know what? Go ahead, I wanna hear/read this

Conn-ass-eur: The Bellabooty is everything the perfect ass is. The Bellabooty? My god it deserves a fuckin alter. Blake is fuckin thicc ok? The Bellabotty firm, but soft, you can grab that shit, and jiggle it in your hands, your fingers will sink in, but there is no superfluous fat, oh no. She flex that ass and it’s like iron. Blake got cakes, alright. Blake know she got cakes too. She wears them fuckin shorts because she’s a fuckin sadist.She got the fucking ass dimples too. Blake’s butt is actually shaped like a heart. Why? CAUSE WE LOVE IT OF COURSE

Conn-ass-eur; And oh my God coco when you smack her ass

Coco: is it as orgasmic as it seems it would be??

Ruby: I'm leaving...

Conn-ass-eur: Coco, bby it’s better

Conn-ass-eur: Coco, it makes such a beautiful sound. And… oh my gosh, and...

Coco: AND

Conn-ass-eur: Coco, the Bellabooty does the ripple. iT RIPPLE. IT FUCKING RIPPLE

Coco: Oh my God

Coco: I can’t

Coco: I CAN’T

Con-ass-eur: NO ONE CAN

Velvet: So Coco’s having an aneurysm or seizure

Velvet: I think she’s broken

Con-ass-eur: Velvet you’ll never understand

Coco: I FUCKING CANT

Coco: SHE DOESN”T UNDERSTAND 

Coco: YANG SHE CAN”T UNDERSTAND SHE NOT BIG ON BOOTY LIKE US

Conn-ass-eur: Coco…

Coco: YES?

Conn-ass-eur: one more thing

Coco: Oh my God yes

Conn-ass-eur: The Bellabooty is susceptible to hand-prints

Coco: SHITTTT

Conn-ass-eur: And teeth marks

Coco: HOLY FUCK

Coco:LUVKY BITCH, YIOU

Coco: YOU GOT TO BITE THAT PERFECTION

Blake: Well then

Coco: Yang it sounds so beautiful

Conn-ass-eur: It is Coco. it is.

Coco: Yang

Conn-ass-eur: Yes, my disciple 

Coco: I'm crying

Conn-ass-eur: I did the same thing the first time I came into contact with Blake's butt

Coco: Yang

Conn-ass-eur: Yeah

Coco: Yang, your girlfriend's ass

Blake; We're not dating

Conn-ass-eur: We're not dating

Coco: yang, The Bellabooty

Conn-ass-eur: I know

Conn-ass-eur: Wanna know a secret?

Conn-ass-eur: I'm getting her Yoga pant's and a bathing suit with a thong for Hanukkah and Christmas

Blake: excuse me

Coco: You Jewish fuck, I love ya.

Coco: *sobbing*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I italiscize on AO3, what the fuck
> 
> Also,  
> I don't want to know if you are a butt or boob person, 
> 
> I wanna know
> 
> Are you more a Bicep or a Thigh person???


	13. Battle of the Blondes

[Neptune has entered Beacon]

[Sun has entered Beacon]

Jaune: But here’s the thing, other marshmallow cereals have marshmallows and other little grain/wheat stuff

Jaune: Pumpkin Pete’s is all marshmallows, and that makes it better. It’s delicious.

Pyrrha: But Jaune I still think the cereal is bad. 

Pyrrha: Who cares about flavor when it’s so unhealthy? It’s pure sugar! 

Pyrrha: Oh hello Neptune. Hello Sun

Jaune: Hi guys, finally got Ozpin to reset your passwords?

Sun: HEY

Sun: HOW DO I TURN OFF ALL CAPS ON AN ISCROLL 7

Pyrrha: Double tap the arrow.

Sun: ty, I’ve only had iScroll 4 since I was like 14, never got an upgrade

Neptune: We wouldn’t have had to if Sun wasn’t an idiot.

Sun: Hey!

Neptune: But he’s my blonde idiot.

Jaune: Aw. I’m Pyrrha’s blonde idiot.

Pyrrha: You’re not an idiot.

Neptune: My beautiful blonde boyfriend

[Nora has entered Beacon]

Nora: Neptune who asked out who?

Neptune: I asked him out.

[Conn-ass-eur has entered Beacon]

Conn-ass-eur: I knew it! Where’s my money bitch?

Nora: You’ll get your money Yang, calm your cow tits

Sun: Told you, there’s a bet about everyone

Nora: Meet me behind the Cafeteria.

Neptune: huh. Becaon’s underground Gambling ring is more intense than I thought

Conn-ass-eur: Where you sell your chocolate or where I sell mine?

Nora: Obviously my money’s near your shit

Jaune: Wait wot?

Conn-ass-eur: You right. 

Pyrrha: Nora we’ve talked about this...

Nora: give me 5 minutes

Conn-ass-eur: you’ve got 2

[Conn-ass-eur has left Beacon]

[Nora has left Beacon]

Sun: Wait, Yang’s a geek too

Pyrrha: It’s team RWBY’s problem, not ours, we already have Nora.

[Pyrrha has sent @Weiss an invitation to chat]

[Weiss has entered Beacon]

Weiss: Yes?

Pyrrha: Yang and Nora have been selling band chocolate behind the cafeteria again

Weiss: I’m going to kill that brute one day. 

Weiss: Thanks, We’ll get right on that.

Pyrrha: Not a problem at all.

[Weiss has left Beacon]

Jaune: Anyway….

Jaune: Aww, I’m Pyrrha’s Beautiful Blonde boyfriend

Neptune: well sure but Sun is the superior blonde

Pyrrha: Neptune, lying is not the product of a strong mind.

Neptune: What do you mean.

Pyrrha: Well, you know. Fact of the matter, Jaune is the most good-looking blonde boyfriend

Neptune: Excuse moi, clearly sun is the most attractive blonde specimen. 

Neptune: I mean look at Jaune. Tall, blonde, and scraggly over there can’t compare

Pyrrha: Bitch

Pyrrha: I will fucking cut you.

Pyrrha: Jaune is best, You’re full of shit, and so is Sun.

Sun: UUUMMMMM????

Jaune: UMMMMMMMM?????

Neptune: Sun used more U’s

Pyrrha: Jaune used more M’s

Pyrrha: And he used more question marks.

Neptune: Sun doesn’t need extra question marks, he can express his thoughts betyter

Pyrrha: Jaune’s name is longer

Neptune: His first name you Mistralian ass

Neptune: Sun’s full name is lomger

Pyrrha: Neptune you bout to catch these hands

Pyrrha: I’ll pimp slap you half way to Mantle, I don’t give a fuck, take your second rate boyfrien with you

Neptune: I’m sorry, I didn’t know ghost could throw hands

Jaune: Oh my God

Sun: OOOHH SHIT IT”S ABOUT TO GO DOWN

Pyrrha: NEPTUNE

Sun: Oof, sorry bro, that was actually kinda insensitive I guess

Jaune: nah I’m good.

Jaune: we should go tho

Neptune: PYRRHA

Sun: Yeah, let’s dip the fuck outta here

Sun: You think Yang’ll be willing to give me a freebie on some caramel almond?

[Sun has left Beacon]

[Jaune has left beacon]

[Raven Branwen has entered Beacon]

Raven Branwen: ‘scuse me

Pyrrha: Yes?

Neptune: What

Raven Branwen: BOTH Y’ALL LITTLE FUCKERS WRONG, tAIYANG WAS BEST, YOU CAN SUCK A BIRDIE DICK

Pyrrha: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Raven Branwen: I-FUCKING-RELEVANT

Raven Branwen: ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT TAIYANG IS BEST BLONDE BOYFRIEND

Neptune: BITCH, I’LL FUCK YOU UP

Neptune: SUN HAS A FUCKING 6 PACK

Neptune: YOU CAN FUCKING GRATE CHEESE ON THEM FUCKERS. 

Pyrrha: JAUNE KNOWS HOPW TO USE HIS AURA TO MAKE HIS STAMINA LAST LONGER. WE CAN FIGHT YOU FUCKING IDIOTS, I WILL DEFEND JAUNE POSITION AS BEST BLONDE 

Raven Branwen: TAIYANG HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR HOTTEST DILF 14 TIMES.

Raven Branwen: 14. HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MAN

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: you damn misogynist sexist assholes

Blake: YANG XIAO LONG IS THE BEST BLONDE

Blake: AND GAMBOL SHROUD’S GOING UP THE ASSES OF ALL WHO DARE TO DISAGREE

[Mod Ozpin has entered Beacon]

Mod Ozpin: Pardon me, but have we forgotten Glynda?

Pyrrha:...I….

Raven Branwen: Um...

Blake: I, uh….

Neptune: ...er

Blake: YANG XIAO LONG IS SECOND BEST BLONDE

Pyrrha: BLAKE I’LL PIMP SLAP TO ATLAS WITH YOUR THIRD RATE GIRLFIREND TOO

[Conn-ass-eur has entered Beacon]

Blake: we’re not dating

Conn-ass-eur: we’re not dating

Raven Branwen: BITCHES PLEASE, TAIYANG IS SECOND BEST, HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BACK? THAT SHIT SCULPTED

Pyrrha: YOU SEEN THIS?

Pyrrha: **Jaune in a dress.jpeg**

Pyrrha: YOU SEE THIS.

Pyrrha: LOOK AT IT

Pyrrha: LOOK AT IIITT. JAUNE IS SECOND BEST

Blake: I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT HAS EVER SEEN YANG NAKED, SHE IS PERFECTION ONLY LESS THAN THAT OF GLYNDA

Blake: I HAVE FUCKING PICTURES IF YOU SIMPLETONS NEED PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THAT PERFECT BLONDES EXIST THAT AREN’T GLYNDA.

Neptune: SHE’LL NEVER BEAT SUN. HE’S THE SUCKING SUN, SHINING BRIGHTER THAN ALL YOU HOES

Raven Branwen: EXCUSE ME, I DON’T NEED TO SEE THE NUDES OF MY OWN BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER.

Raven Branwen: NOT LIKE IT WOULD MATTER ANYWAY, NO ONE BEATS TAIYANG FOR SECOND BEST

Pyrrha: EXCEPT FOR JAUNE, YOU MEAN

Pyrrha: wait…

Blake: Hold on, what the fuck.

Neptune: who the fuck are you, lady.

Raven Branwen: Shit

[Raven Branwen has left Beacon]  
[Conn-ass-eur has entered beacon}

Conn-ass-eur: Wait a second did one of those names say raven

Conn-ass-eur: OHMY GOSH IT DID

Conn-ass-eur: FUCKING SHIT SHE’S GONE. NO.

Blake: Sorry Yang

Coo-ass-eur: nooo

Pyrrha: I’m Sorry

Neptune: that’s rough buddy

Conn-ass-eur: nuuu


	14. Oh God Not The damn Oreos

Blake: Yang

Blake: Yang

Blake: Talk to me blondie

Yang: Blake I can taste colors

Blake: Yang you didn’t

Yang: Black is delicios

[Ruby has entered Beacon]

Ruby: Blake! You had one job

Blake: Whoops

[Sun has entered Beacon]

Sun: What happened

Yang: SUn

Yang: HIII

Sun: what

Ruby: Blake let her get into the oreos

Blake: My bad.

Sun: sooo?

Sun: I fuckin love oreos

Ruby: Yeah but like

Ruby: Im pretty sure you wouldn’t voluntarily eat six family packs of oreos

Sun: I would

Ruby: Yeah but they’re all expired

Yang: bleh

Yang: blue tastes like ass, ugh

Sun: Expired oreos never killed anyone

Blake: Sun these oreos were older than Ruby

Ruby: yeah the date says Febuary from back in 2000

Sun: …

Sun: Blake why did you let her eat 17 year old oreo

Ruby: Blake my sister’s gonna die because of you

Blake: Hey she’s fine

Yang: I just threw up 

Blake: ok She’s less fine

Yang: fun fact

Yang: Don’t be tasting yellow

Ruby: Blake she gon die

Yang: It’s spicy

Yang: Imma drink this bag of skittles

Sun: Why??? Dont???

Yang: Duh, yellow is spicy I got to wash it down with something and skittles is good

Ruby: Blake this is your fault

Yang: I just threw up again

Blake: It’s not my fault 

Yang: woa u guys it’s a goddam rainbow

Ruby: Where even are you in relativity to Yang right now??

Yang: **Rainbow Barf.jpng**

Sun: You nasty

Blake: I’m not in the dorm any more, I’m at the library

Ruby: Ewww Yang

Blake: Yang what the fuck, who takes a selfie with they’re vomit

Yang: But it’s a rainbow!

Sun: You nasty

Yang: It’s fuckin awesome

Blake: No it’s disturbing

Yang: Blek

Yang: Y U betray me

Yang: Clarrke says you suck

Ruby: Who the eff is Clarke?

Sun: What kind of name is that

Blake: It’s not even a color

Yang: Clarke says Lexa says Blek sucks

Ruby: Who are these people

Yang: They’re the gay unicorns that just came through the vent

Yang: Wait Lexa just turned into a Raccoon with a knife

Sun: tf is a raccoon

Ruby: **Raccoon**

Ruby: Blake how are we gonna do team attacks now

Ruby: You ever hear of a three person team? IT DON'T WORK

Ruby: We’re team RWB

Yang: Yo Lexa says she’s the gayest of gays

Yang: She needs to fight coco

Blake: Ruby it’s not my fault

Blake: I thought she had enough self control not to

Blake: You know what, reading back on it you’re right I should have known.

Yang: CLARKE SHOWED ME WHERE TO FIND OOBLECK’S COFFEE BEANS STASH

Ruby: Oh god

Sun: yANG don’T TOUcH thAT cOFfee

Blake: Yang don’t

Yang: Imma eat em

Sun: don’t you do it

Yang: Imma do it

Ruby: don’t

Yang: I did

Blake: Ho my God

Yang: Clarke says I have to say something before I eat them

Yang: Wait

Yang: kk

Yang: Blake, Ai hod yu in

Yang: Maybe Ai gonplei ste odon

Sun: Goddamit

Yang: Guys 

Ruby: Oh god

Ruby: what

Blake: Yang

Yang: I can see through time

[Goodwitch has entered Beacon]

Goodwitch: Why is Ms. Xiao Long perched on top of the teacher’s lounge refrigerator with a can of Raw coffee beans?

Goodwitch: Why is her chin Rainbow colored?

Goodwitch: And perhaps most importantly

Goodwitch: Who is she talking to?

Ruby: Er

[Sun has left Beacon]

Blake: There’s a great explanation for all this Ms. Goodwitch

Blake: Tell her Ruby

Ruby: BLAKE LET YANG EAT SIX PACKS OF 17 YEARS EXPIRED OREOS IT’S NOT MY FAUYLT

Blake: WHAT

[Ruby has left Beacon]

Goodwitch: Ms Belladonna….

Blake: Yes?

Goodwitch: You’re in charge of getting you partner out of here

Blake: Yes Ms. Goodwitch

Goodwitch: Take her to the infirmary

Blake: Yes Ms. Goodwitch

Goodwitch: Then meet me in my office for detention

Goodwitch: Which you have for the next three days

Blake: Me? What’d I do? in my defense I’m not the one shoveling beans in my mouth covered in rainbow barf

Goodwitch: Students are responsible for their partners.

Goodwitch: This wouldn’t have happened if you had been watching her.

Goodwitch: You know how Ms. Xiao Long is

Blake: Yes Ms. Goodwitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but I had to post something. What can you do? *shrug* 
> 
> Also this is kindof based on a true story. Not entirely, and a lot of details were changed, but nonetheless, BASED on.


	15. Penny's Return!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sickening Gays part 4.5 - The Reveal

[Penny has entered Beacon]

Penny: **Salutations.mpg**

[Ruby has entered Beacon]

Ruby: OH MY GOD PENNY

Penny: SalutationFriend Ruby 

Ruby: PEEEENNNNNNNYYYYY

Ruby: I demand hugs! (/^▽^)/

Penny: I cannot hug you through the device, but I will send what my databases call an ‘emoticon; as well. Here you go friend Ruby! ╰(・∇・╰)

Ruby: I watched you die!

Penny: That is incorrect, actually. You saw that body die. My soul, personality, and memories were actually kept inside my cowlick

Ruby: Oh

Ruby: That’s awesome

Ruby: BUT STILL OH MY GOSH IT’S YOU!

Penny: Indeed.

[Yang has entered Beacon]

Yang: *le gasp

Yang: PEH-NEH

Yang: PEH-NEH, PEH-NEH, PEH-NEH! OH MY GOSH

[Pyrrha has entered Beacon]

Pyrrha: Hello again Penny

Penny: Salutations friend Yang! Salutations friend Pyrrha!

Pyrrha: You still consider me a friend?

Pyrrha: Penny, I

Pyrrha: Penny, I killed you.

Penny: Incorrect, friend Pyrrha! You only destroyed that body. I am still alive!

Pyrrha: But had you been human, you would have died.

Penny: But I am not human. Also, I have been told of what happened and I know who you are and your mannerisms. You did not voluntarily kill my body Pyrrha. It was an accident.

Pyrrha: Still.

Pyrrha: I am sorry.

Penny: According to my databases, I should reply with a variation of ‘I forgive you’. But, I do not forgive you, since there is nothing to forgive friend Pyrrha!

Pyrrha: But Penny

Yang: DON’T

Yang: WE’RE NOT DOING THIS. EVERYTHING IS FINE

Yang: YOU WILL NOT BE RUINING MY DAY OF ZERO CLASSES WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL SAPPY SHIT

[Nora has entered Beacon}

Nora: I HEARD SAP

Nora: OH MY GOD IT’S THE OTHER QUIRKY GINGER

Nora: HIIIIIIIIII PENNY

Penny: Hello Friend Nora! Are you the other ginger?

Nora: YAS

Nora: Team red-heads is back in commission!

Nora: Or we would be if someone wasn’t taking their sweet time, PYRRHA

Pyrrha: Not my fault

Nora: I knoooo

Yang: Noraaaa

Nora: Chit yu gaf?

Yang: Why did you eat my Cap’n Crunch

Nora: Ren wouldn’t make me pancakes, and your girlfriend wouldn’t let me have some lox for my bagelz duh

[Blake has entered Beacon] 

Yang: We’re not together

Blake: We’re not together

[Blake has left Beacon]

Penny: Incorrect!

Yang: What’s icorrect?

Penny: You and Blake’s statement is incorrect!

Yang: WHOA LET’S NOT GET CRAZY HERE

Nora: YOOO

Pyrrha: Wait a second, Penny what?

Ruby: CODE BEES

Ruby: CODE BEES

Penny: Their statement ‘We’re not together’ is incorrect!

Nora: CODE BEES

[Sun has entered Beacon]  
[Coco has entered Beacon]  
[Velvet has entered Beacon]  
[Ren has entered Beacon]  
[Yatsu has entered Beacon]  
[Jaune has entered Beacon]  
[Neptune has entered Beacon]  
[God has entered Beacon]  
[Weiss has entered Beacon]

Neptune: I HEARD BEES

Sun: WHAT HAPENEDD??????????????/

[Yang has left Beacon]

Ren: code bees

Jaune: I came as soon as I heard

God: Praise me, the bees are canon

Velvet: DO MY EYES DECIEVE ME

Nora: HOLY SHIT

Coco: If someone would be so kind as to tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON *aggressive booty slapping*

Weiss: READ UP YOU FOOLS

Coco: AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sun: BREAKOUT THE FANCY CHAMPAGNE!

Neptune: we’re broke

Sun: BREAKOUT THE EIGHT DOLLAR WINE

Velvet: Weiss and Coco aren’t broke

Sun: BREAKOUT THE TWENTY-FIVE DOLLAR WINE

God: I have blessed thee

Pyrrha: PENNY

Penny: Yes friend.

Pyrrha: Tell them in all caps

Penny: THE STATEMENT ‘WE’RE NOT TOGETHER’ IS INCORRECT, shall I elaborate further

Sun: YES METAL BUTT

Ruby: UHH, YEAH!?

Weiss: Please do

Nora: DON’T NOT TELL US

Penny: Our friends Blake and Yang claim they are not together. This is incorrect! According to their scroll’s inner-RPS (Remnant Positioning System model 98676DFRV#), they are sitting within 4 inches of each other. Implying they are indeed within the presence of each other. Hence, together.

Neptune: What

Sun: Engrish plz

Nora: Layman’s terms

Penny: They are sitting together in the dorm of team RWBY right now.

Coco: ….

Velvet: Coco don’t

Coco:...

Velvet: Coco NO

Coco: WHAT THE FUCKITY SHIT-TITS

Nora: FAHCK FAHCK FAHCK FAHCK FAHCK FAHCK 

Weiss: WHAT

Nora: GOT ME FUCKED UP

Ruby: Penny!!!!

God: I’ve damned you all

Ren: code bees cancelled

Yatsu: Nooo

Sun: WELL AIN’T THIS ABOUT A BITCH

Pyrrha: well this is very saddening

Penny: I’m do not understand, did you not wish to know they were together?

Ruby: Not in a literal sense

Pyrrha: It's ok Penny, it's not your fault

[Sun has left Beacon]  
[Coco has left Beacon]  
[Velvet has left Beacon]  
[Ren has left Beacon]  
[Yatsu has left Beacon]  
[Jaune has left Beacon]  
[Neptune has left Beacon]  
[God has left Beacon]  
[Weiss has left Beacon]  
[Nora has left Beacon]

Pyrrha: We wanted to know about their relationship status

Ruby: Like we're they dating or not

Penny: Oh. Well, friend Ruby, friend Pyrrha, according to my databases the are

Pyrrha: Yes!

Penny: sorry, I glitched. They are not dating!

Ruby: GODDAMMIT


	16. Chronicles of PPRN pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, auto correct is a bitch and corrected pprn to porn 17 times, of course I used as a joke.

[Nora has changed {Beacon} to {PPRN}]  
[Nora has sent @Pyrrha an invitation to chat}  
[Nora has sent @Penny an invitation to chat}  
[[Nora has sent @Ruby an invitation to chat}

 

[Ruby has entered PPRN]  
[Pyrrha has entered PPRN]  
[Penny has entered PPRN]

Ruby: sup :D

Pyrrha: Hello

Penny: Sal-u-tations!

Nora: If you guys would just stay in the chat at all times we could have been partying by now.

Ruby: Excuse me, hahaha no. The chat room drains your battery so much it’s not even funny. How am I supposed to play Angry Nevermores if my battery’s dead???

Ruby: EXACTLY I CAN”t

Pyrrha: Party?

Penny: Friend Nora, what party?

Nora: The Pizza party

Pyrrha: Nora what pizza pary

Nora: LOOK OUSSIDE BITCHES

Ruby: ….

Pyrrha: Im not the only one who sees a literal truckload of pizza’s, right?

Nora: 74 PEPPERONI PIZZAS

Ruby: WHY???

Nora: we’re team pepperoni.

Nora: did no one view the chat name? It’s team redhead’s name! PPRN!

Nora: O shit wait

Nora: Penny can you eat?

Penny: I can take food into my system! But It will not be digested, simply held inside my artificial stomach until I can find time to empty it.

Nora: I’m sorry. All I heard was that you shit whole food.

Nora: Pyrrha I’m pretty sure if I stab the pizza’s they’ll die, so then you can have some ghost pizza!

Pyrrha: Nora why did you get 76 pizzas

Nora: I mean obviously I couldn’t just get 72, that’d leave none for the rest of you.

Nora: So boom, four other pizzas so we all can get enough to eat.

Penny: Friend Nora, how did you afford these pizzas

Nora: I borrowed weiss’s credit card.

Ruby: NORA ARE YOU TRYINGF TO GET ME KILLED.

Nora: rip in pepperonis

Ruby: Nora whyyyyyy

Pyrrha: Better question is how?????????

Nora: Well, I’ve seen the card number. Then I just went through every combination possible until I got her password.

Nora: 19 HOURS WELL SPENT BECAUSE THE SCHNEE’S JUST BOUGHT TEAM PORN AN ISLAND

Nora: TEAM PORN*

Nora: TEAM PPRN**

Penny: Sensational!

Pyrrha: Oh Nora

Ruby: **How Could This Happen to Me.mp4**

Ruby: **Hello Darkness My Old Friend.mp4**

Ruby: **MMMM Whatcha Say.mp3**

Nora: Yo I just ordered 472 pizzas to be mailed to our island.

Ruby: That’s good i’ll need a place to hide out when weiss finds out. I can live off coconuts and pizzas for a few decades

Penny: Friend Ruby, why are you hiding out?

Ruby: Because Penny as soon as Weiss finds out about this she’s going to kill us.

Ruby: Nora, I gonna get in this box, could you put a postage stamp on me to wherever that island is?

Nora: Not until we fucking enjoy this party all right

Nora: Pyrrha I need you to get naked and put on these pepperoni pasties you’re our new mascot

Pyrrha: I did not consent to this

Nora: Oh yeah put on the pizza slice thong too

Nora: **Sexy Pizza Outfit.jpeg**

Pyrrha: Nora weiss is gonna kill you a third time for using her credit card for that

Nora: Oh no, I already had this.

Penny: Why would you have unconventional clothing just with you, friend Nora?

Nora: duh. Ren looks weird giving a lapdance naked. It only works with sexy outfis

Pyrrha: aaand I know even more about Nora sex life than I ever wanted to know

Ruby: Hey nora the Omazon truck shows up to pick me up in five minutes, caryy me and my box downstairs

Nora: No, Noone ate any pizza!!!!!

Ruby: Look pass me a box and eat it on my way to PPRN island, but I need to go

Nora: Isle of PPRN*

Ruby: on my way to isle of pprn, i need to leave noowww

[Weiss has entered PPRN]

Ruby: hahahahahahaha *hysterical laughter*

Ruby: ahaha hysterical *half-laughter half crying*

Ruby: hahahahaha *hysterical sobbing*

[Ruby has left PPRN]

Weiss: Nora Valkyrie

Nora: Ice booty

Weiss: Did you steal my credit card

Nora: FOR PPRN

Weiss: uh-huh

[Weiss has switched to {Voice Mode}]

Weiss: Okay Kiri, call Klein

[Weiss is making outside call]

Weiss: Klein. Hello. Tell the cake butler I need to borrow a _very large_ cake pan. And a _**L** ittle **Y** east and **E** ggs_.

Weiss: Yes Klein, I already need to make another cake.

Weiss: Ok, thanks Klein.

Weiss: Nora you better sleep with one eye open

Nora: I’d have to sleep at all for that Queen Elsa

[Weiss has left PPRN]

Nora: Now then

Nora: WHO WANTS SOME THIS PIZZA

Pyrrha: Nora, I can see you standing on the Pizza mountain, you need to get down. That thing is not structurally stable at all and it might fal-aaaaaand she's buried under a pepperoni avalanche.

Pyrrha: Goddamit Nora.

Penny: I would like some pizza friend Nora!

Ruby: Help I forgot to poke holes in this box, I can't breathe


	17. The Announcement.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp, it was already hell. Let's turn it into Ragnarok, eh?

Mod Ozpin: So No-one Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way~

[Sun has entered Beacon]  
[Coco has entered Beacon]  
[Weiss has entered Beacon]  
[Ren has entered Beacon]  
[Velvet has entered Beacon]  
[Jaune has entered Beacon]  
[Ruby has entered Beacon]  
[Neptune has entered Beacon]  
[God has entered Beacon]  
[Yatsu has entered Beacon]  
[Port has entered Beacon]  
[Oobleck has entered Beacon]  
[Qrow has entered Beacon]  
[Pyrrha has entered Beacon]  
[Glynda has entered Beacon]  
[Peach has entered Beacon]  
[Sage has entered Beacon]  
[Blake has entered Beacon]  
[Scarlet has entered Beacon]

 

[Issue detected: Overload of Messages in a short time interval]

 

[Issue resolved: Messages will come through]

 

Nora: *Clap Clap Clap Clap*

Yang: *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Ruby: *clap clap clap clap*

Sun: *clap clap clap clap*

Coco: *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Glynda: *clap clap clap clap*

Ren: *clap clap clap clap*

Velvet: *clap clap clap clap*

Port: *clap clap clap clap*

Neptune: *Clap Clap Clap Clap*

God: *clap clap clap clap*

Yatsu: *clap clap clap clap*

Jaune: *Clap clap clap clap*

Oobleck: *clap clap clap clap*

Pyrrha: *clap clap clap clap*

Weiss: *clap clap clap clap*

Peach: *clap clap clap clap*

Sage: *clap clap clap clap*

Scarlet: *clap clap clap clap*

Blake: *clap clap clap clap*

Qrow: *ckap clap clap cl ap*

Mod Ozpin: Good afternoon everyone

Glynda: Professor Ozpin, this isn’t everyone

Mod Ozpin: Glynda, after 6 months, you learn that the only ones who will ever use this chat room are the ones come regularly.

Mod Ozpin: I will only be addressing those who use this chat room.

Ruby: What’s up professor?

Mod Ozpin: Well everyone, I have news.

Nora: What news

Mod Ozpin: Well, simply put, all the heinous villains we caught/revived are being added to this chatroom.

Yang: …

Yang: what

Glynda: Pardon me, but what?

Weiss: What?

Nora: wot

Oobleck: Now why would we do that?

God: Why?

Mod Ozpin: to rehabilitate them, now, I know some of you have particularly bad blood with some of these villains, but I’m assigning teams 1 or 2 of these former hell-raisers that they have to interact with to try to keep discourse down.

Pyrrha: Yes sir.

Sun: oh god

Mod Ozpin: The list is as follows:

Mod Ozpin: RWBY/Neo. JNPR/Cinder Fall. SSSN/Emerald Sustrai and Mercury Black. CFVY/Roman Torchwick. OPGOPQ/Salem

Qrow: Oz what the fuck

Qrow: I’m not drunk enough for this

Glynda: you’re too drunk for anything else

Qrow: You love me

Glynda: I hate your nieces and everything they've put me through

Glynda: I detest you doubly so.

Qrow: Go to hell you bitch-nugget

Glynda: I would but I'm all out of vacation days, you drunkard.

Nora: ROASTED

Coco: well fuck, kekekeke

Sun: OOOOOHH

Sun: GET HIM GOODWITCH

Ruby: UNCLE QROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW

Yang: IT’S UNCLE QROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

Yang: Heyyyy

Ruby: HHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Yang: hey what happened to your screen name I thought I helped you set it to Big Daddy Bird?

Qrow: Ozzy made me change it

Yang: :P

Qrow: amnyway

Qrow: Ozzy i did not consent to your bullshit

Mod Ozpin: Qrow I’ll have you blacklisted from every bar from here to Menagerie.

Qrow: So when will you be adding our new guests? Does anyone know what kind of cookies Salem likes? (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Yang: Ha you’re fucking alcohol whipped

Yang: wait, I did not consent to being paired with Neo, the hell.

Yang: Can we switch with JNPR?

Yang: Cinder understands the struggles of a Pyro at least

Mod Ozpin: No, I evaluated the traits of all of you, RWBY is best paired with Neo. 

Yang: But ice cream midget is the bane of my very existence

Blake: Good job with the vocabulary words, Yang.

Mod Ozpin: You’d better learn to work past that. Starting tomorrow, they will all be receiving scrolls at their prisons and added to the group and a few of the sub-groups

Weiss: Put them in Port’s Tales of Glory and they’ll shape up if only to escape

Port: Pardon? 

Weiss: Nothing Professor.

Coco: Cool, That Roman guy is pretty Fabulous, he can understand style. I like it.

Jaune: I have a very serious problem with cinder obviously, but I’ll do what must be done.

Nora: ^after i break her legs

Mod Ozpin: No nora

Sun: well, Emerald’s a thief and Mercury’s a dick, we can bond over that I suppose :D

Ruby: I think we can just bond over the fact that Neo’s one of the many peiople that have tried to kill Yang at some point.

Ruby: Including everyone currently in this chat except Qrow 

Nora: You're not wrong 

Sun: Tru 

Coco: Who hasn't tried to strangle Yang at some point? 

Glynda: Certainly not me. 

Glynda: In class, at detention, on field trips, in the halls. 

Glynda: I... I think I might have a problem? 

Ren: we all have tried to kill her once 

Velvet: Even me 

Glynda: Or Yang has a masochistic fetish for being nearly killed 

Peach: I'm thinking maybe she's just an asshole like her Uncle. 

Port: Well I, uh 

Neptune: Look the pretty boy comments were getting to me 

God: Pretty much everyone at Beacon has. 

Yatsu: All of us have 

Jaune: I haven't yet, but I've thought about it. I'd get my butt handed back to me on a silver platter by candlelight though, so... 

Oobleck: Look Ms.Xiao Long switched my coffee out with Peach's decaf trash, I had an excuse 

Pyrrha: I'm sorry, the jokes were too much 

Weiss: It's happened six times for me at this point

Weiss: It's gonna happen again. 

Peach: She made a comment on my buttocks that was extremely inappropiate "Juicy and Shapely just like your name. Is it just as sweet too?" I was justified, ok.

Sage: I haven't had an actual convo w/yang yet so...

Scarlet: ^ 

Blake: The kitty-cat jokes...I couldn't handle any more.

Qrow: I knew you had some Branwen genes in you Yang. Good jiob 

Yang: ❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ ) Thank you!

Neptune: I wanna talk to the fabulous Roman too! :(

Mod Ozpin: You can interact with those not assigned to you as well, but you MUST talk to those assigned to you as well

Neptune: sick yo.

Mod Ozpin: Wonderful, that is all.

Mod Ozpin: Be prepared tomorrow. Do not provoke them on purpose.

Nora: No promises

Glynda: Detention's not a threat it's a promise Ms. Valkyrie

Nora:...

Nora: Still no promises, sorry

Glynda: I'd suspected as much

Nora: Same time?

Glynda: same time

Yang: Should I just go ahead and come too?

Glynda: It wouldn't be right without you, Ms. Xiao Long

Yang: Cool I'll bring snacks if nora brings the beverages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking another poll: what's everyone's favorite chapter so far, again?
> 
> (actually taking 2 polls)
> 
> Which Team/Villain chapter should I write first? (I'm saving the Salem one for last tho)


	18. Neo and RWBY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING ICE CREAM MIDGET.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teams have number codes, RWBY's is 7929.

[Mod Ozpin has created sub-group {RWBY}]  
[Mod Ozpin has added #7929]  
[Mod Ozpin has added Neo]

[Ruby has entered sub-group]  
[Weiss has entered sub-group]  
[Blake has entered sub-group]  
[Yang has entered sub-group]

Yang: I still say this some bullsh*t

[Neo has entered Beacon]

Weiss: Be civil 

Neo: ( ･ω･)”ﾉ”

Weiss: Hello

Blake: Hello

Ruby: Um. Hi, I guess? 

Weiss: Yang

Yang: sup bitch

Ruby: YANG

Yang: fine! Fine.

Yang: Hello.

Neo: (・_^)ノ ☆･ﾟ+｡*ﾟ･.+

Yang: Guys lil’ bitch winked at me

Weiss: Yang

Weiss: Get over it

Blake: Calm down

Ruby: C’mon let’s try to be friends

Neo: ヽ(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)ﾉ

Ruby: Look Neo wants to be friends!

Neo: (☞^o^) ☞

Neo: s( ^ ‿ ^)-b

Ruby: ….is that a thumbs up??

Neo: s( ^ ‿ ^)-b

Ruby: ok then

Ruby: …

Ruby: sooooo…

Ruby: I heard you tried to kill Yang?

Neo: (☉__☉”)

Neo: ¯\\_(ツ゚)_/¯

Ruby: Oh cool, so did we.

Neo: (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Yang: Yeah but none of you touched my boob in the process

Blake: ???

Yang: Lil’ midget punched me in the boob

Yang: Like right in the nipple, it wasn’t an accident she was totally aiming.

Neo: (￣︶￣)

Neo: ( • )( • )ԅ(‾⌣‾ԅ)

Neo: s( ^ ‿ ^)-b

Weiss: Oh boy

Blake: ok Neo i'm gonna need you to never touch my boobs again

Weiss: Your boobs?

Yang: Yeah don’t be touching blake’s boobs

Neo: ( • )( • ) = s( ^ ‿ ^)-b

Neo: (^ↀωↀ^) + ( • )( • ) + Me = (Ɔ˘⌣˘)(˘⌣˘)(˘⌣˘ C)

Neo: :D?

Ruby: I’m so confused, what?

Neo: Opposed to sharing the blonde one with the cat, I am not. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yang: Oh my god

Blake: Oh hell naw I’m bout to cut a bitch

Weiss: Blake calm down

Yang: Oh my god

Yang: Oh my god

Neo: I’ve been told not use ‘His’ name in vain, but feel free to shout mine in the throes of your mind breaking climaxes.

Ruby: Blake put down Gambol Shroud and come back through that window

Blake: Nope

Blake: Nope to all this

Blake: Listen here you little fucking ice cream midget

Blake: Back the fuck off

Neo: As I stated, I’m not opposed to sharing but I’m not letting this die until I ride that studly blonde pony about six different ways

Blake: No. Hard no.

Neo: We’ll see I guess.¯\\_(ツ゚)_/¯

Blake: No. We won’t. 

Yang: Holy fuck

Neo: That’s the idea

Neo: (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Weiss: Could you actually just use English I don’t like kaomojis

Neo: ¯\\_ಠ_ಠ_/¯

Weiss: I have no idea what that means

Neo: (－‸ლ)

Weiss: Look, it’s not hard to use actual words you just did it.

Neo: 凸(~‿~)

Weiss: EXCUSE ME?

Neo: You understood that didn’t you, you flat chested frosty bitch.

Ruby: Weiss get back in this dorm room.

Weiss: How about no?

Ruby: no sex for a month

Weiss: Im not coming back till she’s impaled. Ruby

Ruby: 4 months

Weiss: I think it would be best if we all stop and don’t let our emotions get the best of us

Ruby: Blake I’ll hide the Tuna, don’t think I don’t see you trying to sneak out that window.

Neo: (/●꒪౪꒪●)/

Ruby:Everyone calm down

Ruby: Anyone seen Yang?

Weiss: Under Blake’s bed.

Neo:╰(✧౪✧╰)

Neo: (ԅ　 ิ౪ ิ )ԅ ︵ ┸┸

Neo: ( • )( • )ԅ(‾⌣‾ԅ) kekeke

Ruby: Neo could you stop

Ruby: like, this makes me uncomfortable

Neo: s( ^ ‿ ^)-b

Ruby: So uh, you like cookies?

Ruby: sorry dumb questions, haha, everyone likes cookies. 

Neo: s( - _ -)-p

Ruby: what

Neo: s( - _ -)-p

Ruby: Not even chocolate chip?????

Neo: **s( - _ -)-p**

Ruby: …

Ruby: Blake, Weiss, get your weapons and be ready to leave in five minutes, at dawn we make a human sacrifice to the cookie gods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of the kaomojis didn't work, lemme know.


	19. Glynda Totally Deserves a Harem

Nora: Yang help

Yang: ‘sup 

Nora: Me and Coco are having a bit of a crisis over the hottest chick in the school

Yang: The time has come

[Yang has changed {Beacon} to {Sexy Lady}]  
[Yang has changed {Yang} to {Judge}]

Judge: \List\

[Online: {Nora} {Coco} {Ruby} {Weiss} {Pyrrha} {Velvet}]

Judge: OK EVERYONE WE GOT AN EMERGENCY MEETING YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED BY THE QUEEN, YOU ALL ARE ONLINE, BUT FREAKING PARTICIPATE IN THIS CHAT

Weiss: Calm down. What.

Ruby: Yo

Coco: I was waiting for the convo to start

Pyrrha: Alright

Velvet: I’m here

Judge: Read up

Judge: Cast a candidate

Judge: Actually, fuck it say who you want

Velvet: I vote Coco

Coco: I vote Coco

Nora: I say Pyrrha

Ruby: I vote Neo, sorry Weiss

Judge: et tu, Ruby?

[Roman has joined Sexy Lady]

Roman: I say Neo as well

[Qrow has joined Sexy Lady]

Qrow: Imma say Winter, she’s a cold-hearted bitch, but that body’s hot~

[Neptune has joined Sexy Lady]

Neptune: You right tho. I say Winter too.

Weiss: EEEWWWW

Weiss: I go for Pyrrha, sorry Ruby

Ruby: You have a fetish for redheads

[Neo has joined Sexy Lady]

Neo: ( • )( • )

Coco:????

Weiss:That’s a vote for Yang

Judge: I vote Blake of course

[Blake has joined Sexy lady]

Blake: I vote Yang

Coco: gay

Pyrrha: personally I do think that Neo is “hot”

Blake: so are you

Velvet: stop prosecuting her for voting for her girlfriend

Judge: we’re not dating

Blake: we’re not dating

[Jaune has joined Saxy Lady]  
[Ren has joined Sexy Lady]

Ren: i’ve been told not to say say nora, so i guess i vote pyrrha

Jaune: I vote Pyrrha

God: Sorry coco, i’m voting winter

Coco: you’re also a sleeping alone on the couch

God: :(

Yatsu: I say Winter too

Coco: you can go sleep with him

God: Yay im, not alone

Judge: is that all the votes?

Judge: cool

Judge: here’s a disclaimer:

Judge: even if you don’t win or weeren’t voted for at all, it doesn’t mean you aren’t desirable. We’re going off hotness in general, plain sex appeal, not personality or cuteness

Judge: we good? Great

Coco: Can you just get on with it

Judge: we got Winter and Pyrrha tied at 4 votes, and ice cream’s in second with three

[Glynda has entered Sexy Lady]

Glynda: Just what is going on here, ladies and gentleman?

God: wait can I change my vote to Glynda she’s about to start yelling and she’s fucking scary when she’s angry but it’s also super hot.

Yatsu: Im changing too if that’s ok

Judge: sure I mean, I get it yo

Judge: Glynda’s a total Milf

Glynda: excuse me?

Judge: Her hips don’t lie and that ass was ranked #3 for a reason

Blake: she’s got the whole “hot librarian” vibe too

Blake: Imagine her nibbling on the emd of those glasses for a moment

Glynda: Excuse me?

Judge: Her boobs rival mine in size, yo

Judge: she’s got the whole disciplinenarian thing

Judge: Everyone’s had that one fantasy of her using that goddamn crop on you

Blake: Glynda and you? that’s a threesome I wouldn’t mind having

Blake: as friends of course

Judge: of course

Glynda: EXCUSE ME?

Coco: fucking kiss already, dammit

Coco: Also I’m changing to Glynda too

Blake: Me too

Judge: And me

Neo: ( • )( • )

Roman: Yeah, why not, im going for Glynda too

Jaune: I’ll switch too

Ruby: Glynda

Weiss: Glynda

Qrow: I have been hit with that crop before, yang. Trust me she knows how to use it, but I’m switching to Goodbitch too.

Velvet: Glyda

Glynda: I don’t get paid enough for this. This isn’t a really inappropiate thing like a suapected so i’m gonna leave before I read something else deeply disturbing  
[Glynda has left Sexy Lady]

Neptune: I vote Glynda

Roman: Neo says she's not offended so I'll safely say I agree, Glynda's the hottest

Nora: I’m switching to Glydna too

Pyrrha: Me as well.

Judge: pretty sure that by unanimous vote -Neo Glynda wins

Coco: I can accept that

Nora: me too

Judge: Ok, Glynda is hottest babe in Beacon

Judge: we should make a fan club, call it Glynda’s harem

Coco: Oooh, Yeah, yeah

Qrow: who wouldn’t want to be in Glynda’s Harem?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you really think about it, she already does have a harem. 
> 
>  
> 
> It's called the FNDM.


	20. CFVY and Roman Candle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late af but I'm lazy af. Sorry! *shrug* I needed a break.

[Mod Ozpin has created sub-group {CFVY}]  
[Mod Ozpin has added #2389]  
[Mod Ozpin has added Roman]

[Coco has entered sub-group]  
[God has entered sub-group]  
[Yatsu has entered sub-group]  
[Velvet has entered sub-group]  
[Roman has entered sub-group]

Yatsu: Hello Roman

Velvet: Hey Mr. Torchwick

Coco: God I swear to Fox I’ll whoop yo ass if you don’t fucking burn those crocs

God: They’re great though! Fashionable and they’re comfortable!

Coco: Too bad. They ugly af. Beauty hurts, take them off

God: Is that why you’re such a pain in the ass

Coco:...

Coco: I simultaneously have the urge to slap you with my beret and kiss you

God: Praise my holy power

Roman: If God wears crocs, I guess Im a satanist

Coco: Thank you

Coco: Fox take off your goddamn crocs so I can burn them

Roman: I’ve destroyed many abominations of fashion

Roman: It’d be better to toss them in a shredder. Just like fanny-packs and track suits.

Coco: You know what’s up in the fashion game. PS I liked your white coat, and that hat and cane went well great, but black or grey shoes would have been better

Roman: I know right? I could never find any though 

Roman: You seem to know youir stuff too

Coco: Of course

Roman: Then you won’t get offended when I say the Giant can’t dress himself

Yatsu: What

Coco: THANK YOU

Coco: I’ve tried to talk him into letting me get him clothes or do his outfits, but noooo

Coco: Fox is barely getting by and he makes very bad choices often

God: What the hell I feel so attacked right now

Roman: Bunny-girl needs to learn how to accessorize

Coco: Don’t call her that, but yes, accessories could make that outfit so much better

Velvet: How about no?

Roman: or just a touch of make-up

Velvet: You wear to much eye liner!

Roman: Fuck-off no i dont

Coco: No he doesn’t, Velvet I taught you better than this

Coco: But you could do with just a touch of mascara, Roman

Roman: I don’t want to be basic and use black though

Yatsu: So are we still even part of this conversation or...

Roman: My ginger locks are natural and I want my lashes the same color

Coco: Understandable…

God: Probably not velv

Coco: How about a slight smoky-eye shadow? 

Roman: Maybe

Roman: Do you have any tips for giving my bangs that wild windswept look without all that hairspray and gel? 

Coco: I have bad news and good news.

Roman: lay it on me

Coco: There’s a new Dust application you can crush and spinkle the… dust...on your bangs and you can style it however you want, unfortunately, it’s been rumored to cause unbelivable heasdaches

Roman: no pain no gain

God: Hey let’s try something

Yatsu: like?

Coco: That I understand brother. I fight grimm in heels.

Coco: my weapon is a handbag that matches my outfit

Roman: I have to say I approve of that 

Yatsu: eggs bacon grits

Velvet: SAUSAGE

Coco: Your cane weapon, was that completely your design

God: SAUSAGE

Roman: Why yes, it was

Yatsu: go into the cafe and get some

God: SAUSAGE

Velvet: SAUSAGE

Coco: amazing! Could you help a fellow fashionista out then

Roman: what do you need?

Yatsu: coco likes girls but she also like

Coco: I’ll get you that dust if you design me a nice coat

Roman: do you design too? Cuz i’ll make that trade if you throw in a coco adel original pair of shoes.

Velvet: SAUSAGE

God: SAUSAGE

Coco: Deal then you fabulous bastard

Roman: yas

Yatsu: Coco’s real good at weilding

Velvet: SAUSAGE

God: SAUSAGE

Coco: Yas

Roman: Yas

Coco: Yas

Yatsu: I am big but you know i can ride

God: SAUSAGE

Roman: Yas

Velvet: SAUSAGE

Coco: YAS

Yatsu: I give up

Roman: SAUSAGE

Roman: Wait

Roman: YAS

Coco: …

Coco: YAS YAS YAS YAS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSS

Coco: anyway about that trade,


	21. Two Blondes, a Cat, and a Very Worried and Confused Gay Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a monkey vaguley gives a banana a bj, so consider this chapter rated mature, but not explicit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO SHITTY CHAPTERS WITHIN AN HOUR *gasp* IT'S THE MATRIX

Yang: Hey there Blakey, how is it in Men-a-gerie? You’re a thousand miles away, but Blake, tonight you look so pretty, yes you do~ 

Yang: I sent Sun to follow you

Yang: he’s a nice dude~

Blake: GODDAMMIT XIAO LONG

Blake: I JUST WANTED TO VISIT MY PARENTS IN PEACE 

Blake: BUT NOOOO

Blake: I’M ON THIS GODDAMN SHIP WITH SUN WUKONG, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN OCEAN, WITH NO ESCAPE

[Sun has joined Beacon]

Yang: I sent him to watch your back since I can’t come

Blake: But Sun? Really? 

Sun: You can’t come?

Sun: You might need to see doctor about that

Yang: ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sun: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Blake: You guys fucking suck

Yang: But you swallow

Sun: ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yang:( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Blake: He’s so annoying

Blake: I am dying on this ship

Sun: :D

Yang: Hey, he’s not that bad he’s like a dude version of me

Blake: I know. Exactly

Yang: D:

Sun: Well we got burned

Blake: Yang

Blake: I am on a ship called Pride with the third Bi-est guy I’ve ever met

Blake: He’s flaming gay on a good day, right now?

Blake: Yang I’ve come very close to stabbing him

Sun: you love me

Blake: Sun, in these heels I am the perfect height to knee you in the balls

Yang: Blake, c’mon

Yang: He’d have to have balls in the first place for that

Sun: Stop talking about about my vagina Yang, unless you want me to talk about your huge dick 

Yang: you leave Not-so-little Yang out of this

[Coco has entered Beacon]

Coco: wait, are we joking or serious? 

Yang: joking but,

Yang: Is that offensive? 

Blake: uh...

Sun: shit u right.

Sun: Imma ask scarlet

Sun: They said it’s not to them.

Yang: kk

Blake: Now that crisis has been averted, 

Blake: I hate you both

Yang: you wuv us

[Coco has left Beacon]

Sun: you wuv us

Blake: I’d stab you both for like, half a can of tuna

Yang: she really wuvs us

Sun: weally weally wuvs us

[Sun has switched to {Voice Mode}]

Yang: lazy fucker don’t want to type

Sun: Wrong, i’m eating i need free hands.

Sun: Wait I see a hot gay dude.

Blake: how do you even know he’s gay

Sun: Gaydar blake. Never failed. I know ok.

Sun: Oh my god he daddy as fuck, that sexy stubble

Yang: lol

Sun: He’s looking at me

Yang: wait, what are you eating

Sun: Banana-nanas, hoe, what else

Yang: Sun

Yang: I think you know what must be done

Sun: I think I do

Blake: And what, pray tell, is that?

Yang: deepthroat the banana, you fucker, deepthroat it now.

Blake: NO

Sun: Too late imma do it.

Blake: NO

Sun: Oh my god his jaw dropped.

Yang: do it again with ‘fuck me’ eyes

Sun: That’s the only way to do it, but ok

Sun: he’s coming over here now, oh my god

Yang: again, go full tease, MA BOI GON GET LAID TONIGHT.

Sun: Oh, hell yes, I’ll do it aga- AIIIIEE MY BALLS

Sun: MY BALLS

Sun: DUST ALMIGHTY MY BALLS

Yang: what happened?????????

Blake: I told him I was at perfect height

Sun: MY BALLS

Blake: I also told him to behave

Sun: MY BALLS

Yang: Blake why

Yang: there was npo need to cockblock my buddy with violent castration via ball busting via bony knee

Sun: MY BA-HA-HAAALLS

Sun: WHA-HY-HYIIIE.


	22. Lewd the Rewb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lewding the rewb, which is really just torturing the rewb with lewd. You'll get it eventually.
> 
> Again. Vague lewdness ahead, nothing too bad. (in my opinion) Chapter is mature, i guess.

Yang: y'all hoes ain't loyal

Nora: hey

Nora: im loyal, Daddy

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: Daddy? I thought that was our thing Yang

Ruby: don’t worry she’s not talking about you Nora

Yang: not chu 

Nora: who then

Yang: we was supposed to be family, fam

[Weiss has entered Beacon]

Weiss: *were

Blake: stop being such a drama queen

Yang: nora

Nora: ye

Yang: Nora these hoes ain’t loyal

Nora: Y’all hoes ain’t loyal

[Coco has entered Beacon]

Coco: Daddy I’m loyal.

Yang: not you

Yang: i know you loyal

Coco: Who’s not then?

Blake: Us

Weiss: The rest of rwby.

Ruby:^

Coco: Y’all ho*s ain’t loyal.

[Ren has entered Beacon]

Ren: i’ve been instructed to say. “Daddy I am loyal”

Ren: Daddy, I am loyal

[Ren has left Beacon]

Yang: Yeah you loyal, it’s these other hoes

Nora: what’d they do

Yang: they sold me out

Yang: I missed another assignment in oobleck and i had a good excuse (lie) set up, but those hoes ain’t help me out. 

Yang: Ruby didn’t back me up, Blake didn’t vouch for me, and weiss straight up told.

Nora: y’all hoes ain’t loyal

[Sun has entered Beacon]

Sun: Im loyal Daddy

Yang: now i’m being sent out on a solo mission, ALL BY MYSELF. I GOTTA PROTEC SOME SHEEPS WHILE THE ATLESIAN BOTS ARE ON MEINTENECE

Yang: i know

Blake: dammit yang how many hoes you got

Yang: THERE’S NOT EVEN WIFI

Weiss: You’ve been slacking off too much Yang.

Ruby: sorry, weiss bribed me with cookies.

Coco: so you chose chocolate chip over Daddy, wow rubes

Ruby: no, weiss offered me some

Ruby: “other”

Ruby: cookies

Blake: I’m gonna stop that before it starts

Blake: /flag/

[Message has been flagged and deleted]

Sun: Ruby you hoe

Weiss: Don’t call Ruby that.

Weiss: My rose is a pure angel

Coco: gay

Coco: I approve

Blake: yeah an angel into butt-stuff

Weiss: BLAKE NO

Ruby: OH MY GOD

Coco: Wait, she likes getting it in the butt

Blake: no, weiss does

Ruby: HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS

Yang: I KNEW IT

Weiss: BLAKE

Blake: get better locks for your scrolls than each other’s birthday

Yang: I FUVKING KNEW THAT AS SOON THAT PLUG I GOT BLAKE WENT MISSING ONE OF YOU HAD TO HAVE TOOK IT.

Ruby: OH MY GOD CAN WE NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION

Weiss: /flag 2/

[Messages have been flagged and deleted]

Weiss: Let’s drop this! Please! Can we instead talk about the fact that Yang got Blake a butt plug? Why wuld she even do such a thing

Ruby: NO LET’S NOT

Yang: i did such a thing cause I’m a good friend

Blake: yeah. We’re great friends

Coco: no you’re fucking

Sun: What Ruby, squeamish?

Coco: ok. Let’s talk about the reason Fox was screaming so loud last night.

Ruby: sure

Ruby: what was he saying anyway it was suspicious

Ruby: Wait this is a trap

Weiss: I don’t care I just wanted attention off me

Coco: HE WAS SCREAMING MY NAME

Ruby: weiss bby u betrayed me

Ruby: I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS

Nora: coco you amature 

Nora: this is why ren and i use gags

Ruby: I DID NOT

Ruby: SIGN UP FOR THIS

Sun: Yes you did

Sun: you totally did

Sun: you’re the one who decided to be friends withg us

Sun: you hoe

Weiss: she’s not a hoe, but you people, continue

Coco: No nora, fox doesn’t like them

Coco: HoweveRR

Coco: Yatsu

Coco: is a goddamn freak

Yang: CAUSE I MAY BE BAD

Coco: BUT I’M PERFACTLY GOOD AT IT

Ruby: STOP I WANNA BE INNOCENT

Yang: SEX IN THE AIR I DON’T CARE

Sun: too late hoe

[Ren has entered Beacon]

Ren: i like the smell of it

[Ren has left Beacon]

Coco: STICKS AND STONES

Nora: MAY BREAK MY BONES

Yang: BUT CHAINS AND WHIPS EXCITE ME

Ruby: oh my god

Nora: oh wait i have ren’s not-nudes!

Nora: he says you guys can see

Yang: I wanna see

Ruby: NOT THE PIZZA PASTIES GOD

Coco: Now i really wanna see

Nora: **Ren lookin Tasty.jpeg**

Yang: Dayum

Coco: Dayum

Ruby: PLZ STOP

Sun: I have pizza pasties from the pride parade too

Ruby: Oh god

Sun: daddy wanna see me in my pasties and banana hammock? :D

Yang: yeah boiiiiiiiii

Ruby: NO

Weiss: shield your eyes

Sun: **Sexy Selfie.png**

Ruby: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yang: work it baby!

Blake: you should have shaved

Coco: yas queen 

Coco: nice tat btw, lol. ‘All aboard’ on you butt cheeks. 

Yang: Yeah, you cheeky bastard

Ruby: oh god not puns and this crap

Weiss: you know we could just leave

Ruby: no we can’t

Ruby: I can’t look away thi is too awful

Weiss: I need so much eye bleach

Blake: hey Nora show everyone you and Ren’s matching nipple piecrings

Nora: no, mine hasnt healed

Sun: We don’t care ibet it’s sick

Yang: It is, i was there c’mon nora

Coco: Plz

Ruby: I DON’T NEED TO SEE ANY NIPPLES THAT AREN’T WEISS’S 

Nora: fine god

Nora: **nip nip loops.jpeg**

Ruby: REFRAIN FROM ANYTHING ELSE

Blake: why is there a bottle of lube in the background

Nora: Blake I very well can’t go in dry, duh

Ruby: God is dead

Ruby: God is dead and we killed him.

[God has entered Beacon]

God: Nah I’m fine

[God has left Beacon]

Ruby: nu take me with you, end my suffering

Coco: Daddy show your Milkshake tattoo

Ruby: END MY SUFFERING


	23. Femme Futch Butch Yang Discourse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp.

Jaune: Oh my god look at these shoes

Jaune: **ThisBitchIsButchCustomConverse.jpeg**

Jaune: hey yang is a butch right? I'll get her these since I ruined her shoes way back when we first started Beacon

[Nora has entered Beacon]  
[Coco has entered Beacon]  
[Ruby has entered Beacon]  
[Sun has entered Beacon]

Coco: yes

Ruby: no….? Wtf

Sun: no

Nora: ye

Coco: yeah she is

Nora:^

Sun: but she ain't? Yang is kinda femme I think

Ruby: Yang isn't butch she's a hard femme

Nora: no she's butch

Sun: how would you know aren't you a femme

Nora: I'm futchy- femme you douche nugget

[Pyrrha has entered Beacon]

Pyrrha: pardon me, but can't we say that Yang is futch?

Coco: I'm butch, I know my own

Coco: also no

Nora: not happening

Ruby: y'all Yang is kinda femme

Sun: Yang is pretty femme

Coco: y'all hoes

Sun: she has bows on her boots

Coco: so? When is Yang ever not clad in leather

Ruby: 'clad’

Jaune: pretty sure she's butch

Sun: clad?

Coco: yes clad you pieces a shit

Ruby: even so,

Ruby: I know my sister

Nora: she's an avid wearer of pants

Sun: she wore a dress to the dance

Ruby: avid?

Pyrrha: the word of the day calendars got issued again in that day you were out on that shadowing mission with Qrow

Coco: the bitch owns a motorcycle

[Weiss has entered Beacon]

Weiss: Yang is definitely a butch.

Ruby: she owns not a damn snap back you guys

Ruby: wow weiss. I'm hurt bby

Sun: also in case you forgot, she has a few dresses even if she chooses 2 not wear them

[Neptune has entered Beacon]

Neptune: excusem, Yang is butch

Sun: et tu, Neptune?

Weiss: you're using it wrong, but Yang is butch y'all. 

Coco: that's 4 for, 2 against bitches

Pyrrha: futch?

[Ren has entered Beacon]

Ren: isn't yang

Ren: femme-y

Ren: like, a hard femme

Nora: REN

Ren: what

Jaune: I feel Yang is butch

Ruby: Str8 boi I dare you

Ruby: I dare you to say that shit again

Ruby: my sis ain't butch Jaune

Pyrrha: she could be futch you guys

Sun: have y'all

Sun: seen this bitch’s hair

Ruby: Yang goes natural often but she owns makeup

Coco: I own make up

Neptune: she's butch

Coco: I'm a butch and I wear my make-up

Ren: idk yang seems femme to me

Ren: maybe a hard femme, but femme

[Velvet has entered Beacon]

Velvet: Yang is femme

Coco: Velvet

Nora: Yang is butch you motherfuckin mother fucker

Coco: et tu brute?

Weiss: That's not how it works.

Weiss: But alas Yang is butch.

Sun: Yang is femme you sluts

Coco: YANG IS BUTCH

Nora: BUTCH, BITCH

Ruby: She's femme

Weiss: She is butch, Ruby.

Jaune: She's butch.

Sun: str8 boi you motherfuckin uncultured swine

Velvet: Yang is femme

Neptune: Yang is butch

Pyrrha: she could be futch

Ren: nora, yang is femme

[God has entered Beacon]

God: Yang’s femme

Sun: God has has spoken you sluts

Nora: Y'ALL THE BITCH IS BUTCH

Ruby: FEMME

Weiss: BUTCH.

Velvet: FEMME

Sun: FEMME

Coco: YANG XIAO FUCKING LONG IS BUTCH

Ren: femme

Neptune: SHE'S BUTCH

God: FEMME, SHE'S FEMME

Jaune: BUTCH

Ruby: Jaune you motherfuckin noodly hetero boi, Yang Xiao Long is Not a Butch you bitch

Pyrrha: she could be futch

Coco: IN WHAT WAY IS SHE NOT A BUTCH? LEATHER! MOTORCYCLE! PANTS and SHORTS!

Sun: DRESSES! MAKE-UP! NO SNAPBACKS! ONLY ONE BEANIE, AND SHE STOLE IT FROM BLAKE

Nora: YANG

Nora: IS 

Nora: BUTCH

Weiss: SHE IS BUTCH YOU HEATHENS.

[Goodwitch has entered Beacon]

Goodwitch: She always struck me as futch

Pyrrha: that's what I've been saying

[Penny has entered Beacon]

Coco: no, Blake is futch

Coco: Yang is Butch

Ruby: Blake may be futch, but my sister is femme

Weiss: You have a funny way of saying Butch, Ruby.

Ren: she's femme, she's worn a skirt casually. that outfit with the boots with the bows

Nora: HAVE YOU SEEN HER MASSLES? SHE’A A BUTCH

God: Nora have you seen your own muscles? Aren't you futchy- femme, and you’ve got bigger biceps than Blake. She is a hard FEMME

Goodwitch: I stand by she's futch

Jaune: BUTCH

Velvet: FEMME

Neptune: BUTCH

Ruby: FEMME

Nora: BUTCH

Sun: FEMME

Weiss: BUTCH

God: FEMME

Pyrrha: Futch? Futch is good.

Coco: BUTCH

Ren: gdi she's femme

Penny: Perhaps I can shed some light on this situation.

Nora:?

Penny: Right now I am running Yang’s attributes through multiple algorithms to see what she qualifies as. All algorithms are using the scale:

Penny: 'Stone Butch-Butch-Soft Butch- Futch-Hard Femme-Femme-High Femme’

Penny: Using the data I provided we'll put Yang in the correct category.

Sun: great so now these hoes can see that Yang is a motherfuckin hard femme

Neptune: funny, I thought you and your posse of sluts were gonna suffer in defeat when the results come back that Yang. Is. Butch. You. Bitch.

Ruby: posse?

Pyrrha: the calendar

Ruby: ah

Penny: The data scan has finished.

Ren: and?

Penny: Um…

Velvet: what's up Penny

Penny: Well…

Penny: It seems…

Pyrrha: C'mon Penny

Penny: The results were…

Penny: Inconclusive.

Jaune: Wow.

Coco: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

Ren: well crap

Nora: IT DIDN'T SAY SHE WAS FEMME, YANG IS BUTCH CONFIRMT

Ruby: IT NEVER SAID SHE WAS BUTCH EITHER

Nora: RUBY YOU'RE PART OF TEAM PORN, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TOBE ON THE SIDE THAT'S RIGHT, WITH ME.

Nora: TEAM PORN*

Nora: TEAM PPRN, GDI

[Blake has joined Beacon]

Coco: Hey there's Blake, expert on Yang Xiao Long

Blake: Expert?

Velvet: honestly she's just gay for Yang but who isn't

Blake: Excuse me?

Sun: yeah but she's extra gay for Yang

Sun: been pining for years

Blake: Pardon?

Nora: exactly, she would know

Ruby: everyone on butch side prepare to eat your heart out

Coco: I'd rather eat Velvet out, but we're not wrong

Velvet: Excusem?!

Blake: I just came to ask Ren is he almost done with that book I loaned him…

Pyrrha: Sorry Blake, but you've been drug into this

Goodwitch: We need a definitive answer, Ms. Belladonna, or I fear this feud will grow until it takes over the entire school, then all of Vale, from there? Remnant.

[Mod Ozpin has entered Beacon]

Mod Ozpin: riots in the streets, battles out in the fields, the biggest war Remnant has and will ever see.

Mod Ozpin: Remnant will be engulfed in a massive civil war, one that may even include the Grimm, should Salem hear of this and choose a side.

Goodwitch: All over one question

Coco: a question you have the answer to, Blake

Ruby: Is Yang Femme?

Weiss: Or is she Butch?

Blake: Well…

Blake: There's things about Yang that say Femme.

Blake: She has dresses, and she has skirts. She may not wear them often but she wears them.

Blake: Same thing goes for make-up but she does consistently wear peach flavored Gloss

Coco: I wonder how you know it's peach flavored

Blake: shut up

Blake: She also doesn't own any snapbacks, nor beanies of her own

Blake: her haircare regiment is hell, and it has to be styled just so to look like a mess, but as she calls it, a 'hot mess’, speaking of which, the stereotypical 'butch’ haircuts, Yang has never had them

Blake: but

Blake: She also some things about her that say do say Butch.

Blake: Constant donning of pants and shorts

Blake: enough leather Jackets to open a small biker shop.

Blake: and speaking of biker shops, she does own a motorcycle, her baby she has affectionately named Bumblebee

Blake: she knows her way around a toolbox, repeatedly making repairs on her arm, bike, and our dorm room when the need arises

Blake: she has a beanie. She stole it from me, but she wears it. And a lot of tank tops

Blake: Yang isn't quite a mix of butch and femme tho, she's not futch.

Pyrrha: hm?

Blake: it's more so she's very fluid between them all, but never does she reach high femme or stone butch levels.

Coco: so what does that mean?

Ruby: I mean she has to be one right?

God: Blake you know we need an answer

Neptune: Blake?

Blake: Honestly?

Blake: Yang Xiao Long is an enigma.

[Blake has left Beacon]

Ruby: What

Weiss: What.

Velvet: What

Coco: what the fuck

Sun: Blake what

Neptune: wha-

Mod Ozpin: we're doomed.

Mod Ozpin: unless we can get her to to make that statement on record for the masses to view once this inevitably spirals out of control.

God: Yang Xiao Long is an enigma.

God: God has spoken

Pyrrha: I suppose so

Ruby: Enigma?

Ruby: Calendar?

Goodwitch: No.

Ruby: Just Blake?

Weiss: Yes

Ruby: I still don't know what enigma means…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to Duke it out in the comments on where she is on the spectrum.
> 
> Sorry for this lateness! Schedule has been kinda hectic. I have fics to read, and more chapters to write to play catch-up.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I'm changing the summary! I wanna know from you guys:
> 
> Should I use an excerpt?(if so, which?) Or should I try to write something else up?
> 
> (Actually I'm pretty bad at summaries so if anyone wants to whip that up for me, much gratitude and you'll get credit.)


	24. Chap 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who actually wasn't dead :D

Yang: Y'all ever look down and realize you're holding your titties

Yang: like, you're not doing anything with them, you're hands have just somehow ended up in your shirt and you're holding your titties

Nora: yes

Coco: yes

Velvet: occasionally, if Coco isn't holding my boobs for me

Nora: gay

Coco: it better be

Yang: tits are nice

Coco: World hard and cold… tiddy...tiddy soft and warm

Weiss: **clap_emoji**

Nora: preach

Velvet: I'm certainly not gonna disagree

[Ruby has entered Beacon] 

Ruby: 'sup

Nora: titties

Ruby: oh worm

Ruby: I'm on tungles

Ruby: there's this really cheesey thing and it's like   
'Person A: I can hold the entire world in my hands   
A: *cradles persons B’s face*

Nora: gay

Coco: that's homo activity yes

Ruby: tag somebody

Nora: Ren is A me b

Yang: me an Blake lol

Weiss: yang for a and @blake for b

Coco: the bees

Nora: I fucked up

Nora: I change my mind it's Yong and Sasuke kin

Ruby: ayy same hat

Nora: same hat

Coco: just had a thought

Ruby: share with the class, cocojamin?

Coco: OK BUT  
 **yang: I can hold the entire world in my hands**  
yang: *holds Blake's face*  
blake: *starts crying*  
blake: so can I  
blake: *grabs Yang’s boobs*

Nora: gay

Ruby: v gay

Weiss: I'm just gonna be the logical person here and tell you guys this is canon.

Velvet: oh yeah definitely

Ruby: totally canon

Nora: yang hasn't denied it

Yang: well yeah, bc it's definitely Canon

Yang: @Blake this is some shit we would pull

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: ...yes, it does seem like something we would do

Nora: BEES ARE CANON

Yang: platonically of course

Blake: of course. We both would have immediately said no homo, we're not gay

Coco: all my organs just slipped out my asshole

Yang: I mean we are gay just not

Blake: not gay together

Yang: not gay together

Blake: just Bros

Yang: Yeah bro. 

Weiss: what the ever-loving fuck

[Blake has left Beacon]

Nora:... I'm gonna kill myself

Ruby: shoot me first

Weiss: I swear to God

Weiss: I'm gonna impale them both

Weiss: this is turning me to alcoholicism

Coco: you mean you haven't started yet

Ruby: I have

Yang: Wow Ruby i can't believe this SMH you should not be drinking

Ruby: you and Blake drove me to this

Yang: don't blame this on my bro and me, you have no one to blame but yourself

Yang: I'm telling dad

Coco: if I have to read the word bro again I'm gonna stab myself with this fork

Nora: Yang

Nora: BITCH I FUCKIN HATE YOU

Velvet: CAN Y'ALL JUST KISS ALREADY LOVEBIRDS???

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Blake: we're not dating

Yang: we're not lovebirds

[Blake has left Beacon]

[Blake has entered Beacon]

Yang: we're just bros

Blake: we're just bros

[Blake has left Beacon]

Coco: FUCK ALL THSI BULKSHIT IM FUCKIN DONE

Nora: I'VE BEEN DOEN

Weiss: YOU PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I SUFFER SHARING A DORM WITH THEM

Ruby: I DO

Coco: YOU ACT LIKE OUR FRIEND GROUP DON'T SPEND ALL OUR TIME TOGETHER ANYWAY, I MIGHT AS WELL LIVE WIYH YOU

Weiss: HONESTLY THE BLANTANT GAYNESS IS DRIVING ME TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY.

Weiss: BECAUSE THEY WON'T JUST DATE ALREADY.

Yang: why would we date

Ruby: hoe don't do it

Yang: we're just Bros, bro

Nora: Yang I'm ready to snatch your weave

Yang: DON'T TOUCH ME WEAVE

Coco: STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE

Yang: WHY?

Coco: BECAUSE I SAID SO. AS DECREED BY GODDESS OF GAYS, I'VE TOLD YANG TO STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE AND JUST KISS THE GIRL ALREADY

Yang: what girl? Is she hot? Did she consent??

Nora: BLAKE YOU FUCKER

Yang: why would I kiss Blake y'all we just went over the fact we're just Bros

Ruby: BECAUSE YALL ARE IN LURBE

Yang: well yeah, of course I love my bro, no homo. But only as Bros

Coco: Bros this, Bros that

Ruby: pssst super smash Bros is coming out for switch

Coco: why must you lie to yourself this way

Nora: WE ALL KNOW THE TRUTH

Yang: what truth????

Velvet: we know you and Blake arengay for each other

Yang: bro, we're just bros

Weiss: That's it

[User @Weiss has suddenly lost connection]

Ruby: WEIDD NO

Ruby: You guys she torched her scroll

Coco: I'm bout to do the same thing

Velvet: so you're gonna take the time out to drop my tiddies?

Coco:... I will do the same thing later

Velvet: and miss out on my nudes??

Coco: I will not be torching my scroll

Yang: nudes, you say

Coco: fuck off

Nora: go look at Blake's nudes

Yang: good idea bro

Yang: I think I will look at her nudes

Yang: no homo

Ruby: I'm divorcing you as my sister

**Author's Note:**

> I take requests.


End file.
